December’s Secret Subject Swap - the Musical

Welcome to Take Two of December’s Secret Subject Swap. Again 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  
Sit back, grab a cup and check them all out:

Careful, though!
Baking In A Tornado 
Just a little nutty 
My subject is 

Your life is now a Musical!
Tell me a tale of a day

It was submitted by Evil Joy speaks

First thought: "Mamma Mia"! I have been a huge ABBA fan since I was a 9 year old girl, and I am a mom - done. 

But wait - the story of a young bride-to-be looking for her father has nothing to do with me. Let's go through the Top 100 Greatest Musicals for some inspiration. 

It was all of no use, though. I need to set up my own musical. And I can't compose, and I am a shower singer at the most. So I am going to leave the singing to those who can!


Outfit: PJ
Make-up: None
Hair: Forgetaboutit
Setting: Bedroom 

Wednesday. I finally fell back asleep around 4am and am having the most wonderful dream...

...when the alarm goes off, and immediately a sweet little voice tells me "It's time to get up, mommy, and I would like pancakes for breakfast!"

Outfit: PJ
Make-up: None
Hair: Forgetaboutit
Setting: Kitchen
I make breakfast and prepare the lunch box for my son Colin and then rush him to take a shower, get dressed and leave the house for Kindergarten. 

"Come on, put on your (INSERT PIECE OF CLOTHING), brush your teeth, NO - now is not a good time to build a Lego tower - where's your jacket, put your shoes on, PUT YOUR SHOES ON! What part of "put your shoes on" don't you understand? Hurry! You don't want to be late!"

Outfit: Business Attire
Make-up: Subtle
Hair: Washed, conditioned, blow-dried
Setting: Office

I go about my day in my husband's IT business. I do a bit of everything - Human Resources, Sales & Marketing, even Bookkeeping, who would have thought. The best part of my job is that some customers seem to think that I am also a magician. If they can't log on or print, or do whatever they need to do immediately, they expect me to swing my magic wand and either tell them what to do myself (hahaha, fat chance) or arrange to have a techie available right now

Outfit: Jeans, sweater, UGG boots, warm jacket, scarf
Make-up: Subtle
Hair: It'll do
Setting: Ice Hockey Arena

While Colin is training on the ice, I sit down in the stand and get out my iPad, checking e-mails and typing a paragraph or two for my current blog post. Before the hour is up, I am going to make my way back to the smelly and overheated locker room to help him getting out of his helmet, gloves and skates.

But wait. Why is he skating with his legs apart all of a sudden? What's going on, now he is just sitting down on the ice? Get up, buddy! I get up. Coach is approaching him, exchanging some words, then scans the audience. I wave and run down the stairs to the boards. "Ahem - he urgently has to go to the bathroom" Coach says. From the looks of it, the pressure is off, but yeah, let's go.

I will spare you the details. Let's just say it's not pretty, and I am glad I got extra clothes and wipes.

We walk back to the car in the dark, get out the sandwiches and have "dinner" while driving back home. 

Outfit: Jeans, sweater, UGG boots
Make-up: smudged
Hair: messy would be an understatement
Setting: car - on the road, it's dark, and it's foggy

Wouldn't it be great if I had actual quiet time - several hours in a row - where I would just sit at a Starbucks, have cinnamon rolls for lunch and just write? Write, delete, shuffle the sentences around, google some facts, develop new ideas, write, edit…. From time to time I'd get distracted by FB notifications - but it would be OK! Because someone else would do my laundry, shopping, cooking and cleaning at home! 

End of first act - enjoy your break!

Outfit: Jeans, Sweater, Sneakers
Make-up: None
Hair: Ponytail
Setting: Home / Post Office / Supermarket / Home
Monday. Productive morning. Finally got all my „pay it forward packages“ (blog post to follow - estimated publishing date: January 2014) together and ready to ship. 

After the trip to the post office, I squeeze in a quick grocery run, then head home. Stock the fridge, empty and load washer, empty and load dryer. It feels good to get stuff done. Fix takeout lunch.

Just in time - Colin is home. Bathroom, then off. He has been asking to go to the kids play area at the mall (B on the map below) for a while. Not so easy with his and my weekly schedule. But today is the day!

On our way we drop off a potpourri bowl for his Godmother. Sadly we won’t see her and her family this year for Christmas.

Outfit: Jeans, Sweater, Sneakers
Make-up: none, 
Hair: Ponytail
Setting: Mall (B)

At the mall he immediately heads for the toy store. I practice saying NO to more cars and remind him that he wanted to go to the kids’ play area.

Approaching their entrance I notice a sign saying “new access rules. Kids must present health insurance card upon check-in.” Huh? What for? Surely this is just some bureaucracy we could bypass somehow.

“Not really” the lady says, “don’t you have it with you?”

Don’t I have my kids health insurance card with me? I came to the mall, not the hospital!

“Some other ID will be fine, too.”

Like his passport? Again, I came to the mall, not the airport!

“Is there someone at your house who could take a mobile phone picture of some piece of ID?”

Resourceful. Clearly you've had this conversation before. Someone? Like who? The nanny? The chef? The ironing person? The closet organizing person? We are HERE. Look, I have my driver’s license PLUS my picture ID, take one of those, OK?

“It has to be the kid’s ID”

I told you, I don’t have anything with me. We drove almost 30 miles to the mall so he could play here, do you want me to leave my car keys - give me a break, will you?

“It’s the rules.”

I have never heard of those rules. I understand you must make sure that the correct kids and parents match, so please, take our finger prints, whatever you need, just don’t let my son suffer from the fact that we came here undocumented. What's this about anyway, have kids been abducted from here?

“The sign has been up since October. I am sorry, I can’t let you in. It’s for the kids’ safety.”

Well, we haven’t been back since October. He attends Kindergarten. I work. We can’t just come here on any given day. 

Without so much as a “bye” I turn around, grab Colin’s hand and march out of there. Those of you who know me, are aware that I am REALLY MAD now. I am generally an understanding, rule-following, smiling person. Today this lady overstepped my limits. Where is Tom Hanks when you need him? (Scroll down to the bottom of the post)

We drive to the mall (C) closer to our home (A). They have a cool kids play area as well. Colin's composure through all this is impeccable. I think I couldn't have handled a meltdown - I am busy having one myself! So I let him go to another toy store. And I buy him a car.

Just when I start to feel better, I get a text message from the chief = charity president. She has become quite demanding these past months, and the whole board is pretty upset about it. I handed in my resignation but committed to stay on the board until the yearly assembly in March 2014. She wants ME to do something - which had been decided against at the last team meeting - TODAY because WE are already late.

I come this close to throwing my innocent phone to the floor and crushing it with my foot. Why does she always do this? This is worse than a paid job! And why do I always let her get to me?

Drop Colin at the kids place, buy a Grittibänz (scroll to day 11) and a Coke Zero - which seems to be just as tense as me and foams over my jeans. I sit down on a bench.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I am glad I didn't smash my phone because I type feverishly about my day to my friend on the other side of the world. She listens, sends supportive comments and encourages me to use lots of wine for my lasagna I am going to make as soon as we get home.

Outfit: Wet Jeans, Sweater, Sneakers
Make-up: None, 
Hair: Ponytail
Setting: Mall (C)

Wine sounds good. I wanna go home. Colin has different plans. "Let's go to Body Shop and use all the testers" he suggests. Aroma therapy - what a wonderful idea! I love that I have a son who drags me to the places I would usually go on my own! We have a blast. The sales girls adore him. His hands and arms smell like one giant fruit salad: lemon, strawberry, mango, grapefruit

I purchase some chocolate shower gel / body lotion sets for all of my hard working charity board colleagues - even for the lady boss. I figure she needs a friendly gift more than anyone else. 


Outfit: Jeans with Coke stain, Sweater, fluffy socks
Make-up: None, 
Hair: Ponytail
Setting: Kitchen


  1. OMG - this was EPIC! Wow. seriously amazing response to the prompt! so so so funny! My favorite part was the outfit/hair changes throughout the day. haha! Genius. Oh, and that lasagna looked amazing. Bring on the wine! And even though I'm fairly certain I'm not the Beth you messaged (I mean, my memory is bad, but not THAT bad) (wait, or was I??) please know you can message this Beth anytime you're having a meltdown, too! I'm great at talking people off ledges. I spend so much time there myself, ya know. :)

    You're awesomesauce, Tamara! xoxo

  2. Liebi Tamara, DAS esch de Hammer! So KRASS, das met de Chrankekassecharte!!! I cha ned glaube, dass Du ihre sogar no Bye gseit hesch, i be ned secher, was ich ihre alles gseit hetti.... On the other hand, si esch "fascht" so unschuldig wie dis Cellphone - ha, I loved that part - i chan SO guet nochvollzieh, wie Du Dich gfühlt hesch, i glaube, all the Moms can! Esch part of the very normal crazy every day Moms job..... Miss you!! <3

  3. Oh my awesome music!
    I have Duck Sauce stuck in my head. :)
    That was some day and an amazing Swap post!
    I would have lost my stuffing at the mall play space. None of my kids have picture ID's until middle school except their passports that live in the safe. That is so crazy!

  4. Damn, girl! You're doing pretty fine for claiming not to have musical talent! And dear lord your day scares me. Is that what I have to look forward to in a few more years? Egad. I need to get more sleep now!

  5. I'm in need of a snack and a foot rub after just reading this. But I don't have photo ID, so I guess it's off to the toy store for me. Well done!

  6. Your costume changes alone are exhausting!! Fun post!

  7. That was one of the most hilarious posts/stuff I have read in ages! You even trump Bridget Jones, girl! Loved, loved, loved to read about your day, and yep, the costume changes/props were the best! WTG!! :) xoxo


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