Welcome to July's Secret Subject Swap - Antarctica

Welcome to July’s Secret Subject Swap. Again 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  
Sit back, grab a cup - actually, today, we'll all sip straight from the thermos - and check them all out:
My subject is 

You won an all paid vacation to Antarctica!
What two family members or friends will you bring with you and why?

It was submitted by Dates 2 Diapers 2 - awesome, thank you!

Hahaha, while everybody is headed to the beach, you are sending me to the South Pole? You know what? I've always wanted to go to a place like this. Not "urgent bucket list wanted" but definitely being curious. They do have Wi-Fi at the South Pole, right?

My No. 1 partner in crime will of course be my son Colin who is interested in all things geography, adventure, sightseeing, exploring… Plus he speaks penguin. Yes, that's a language.

On to person No. 2:

The most important criteria for this travelling companion is to be very experienced in navigating through frostiness and seclusion. They would need to feed me. What good is my credit card if there are no supermarkets or restaurants? As a plus they would also entertain me and divert my thoughts about warm showers, Starbucks at the mall and other amenities.

I just happen to have a Facbook buddy who lives in Northern Canada. Way up north. North of the Arctic Circle. Think "only accessible by airplane. Or boat - there's a three weeks window in summer." Think "aurora".

Actually I've been meaning to portray him for a while and never got around to doing it. He takes the most amazing pictures of icebergs and polar bears, he can fish and hunt, and he is friends with the critters out there. But? He likes his peace and quiet more than publicity. It's kind of flattering to think of my blog as publicity. Anyway, that was a no.

Now I have got to broaden my mind and consider candidates who haven't actually been to a place like this, but who have certain survival skills and/or a killer instinct, are remarkably resourceful and also fun to be with.

Candidate No. 1: Mario Lemieux, former hockey player @ Pittsburgh Penguins

Pro: He is tough, he can deal with ice and rough conditions, is quick to recognize a chance to score, plus he used to be a penguin - now if these aren't perfect conditions! Also he has been known to look out for young players by hosting them at his home while they were getting settled in Pittsburgh. So I would hope he'd care for me if needed.

Con: Although he is an incredible fighter on and off the ice who even beat cancer, I am not sure about his current medical condition. He suffers from atrial fibrillation, and a trip to the South Pole may be too exhausting? I wouldn't want him to get a stroke.

Candidate No. 2: Mary Fiore, wedding planner

Pro: She comes prepared! Band-aid, sedatives, tape, Evian spray, super glue, liquor, she's got a whole entire emergency kit hidden inside her blazer! She plays scrabble, so after we build our igloo and light a crackling fire, we can get some writing done. As a bonus she likes M&Ms. Actually she only eats the brown ones because she likes to think that they don't contain any food coloring. So all the red, yellow, orange, blue and green ones will be left  for me :-) 

Con: She won't go places if she can't wear her Gucci shoes. Also, once those M&Ms are gone - what are we going to eat?

Candidate No. 3: Ally McBeal, attorney-at-law

Pro: She lives in Boston, so she knows cold. She owns all kinds of scarves and hats. Even if she probably doesn't have any actual survival skills, she can talk you into believing she's got tons! If I take Ally she'll bring her imaginary friends, so we'll actually be a crowd. Remember the dancing baby? Won't we have fun? In real life Calista Flockhart is married to Harrison Ford = Indiana Jones = smart, adventurous, it must have rubbed off by now, don't you think?

Con: She'll probably meet a handsome scientist at the research Station the first night we arrive and make out with him for the rest of our stay.

Candidate No. 4: Chef John, chef, author and video blogger @ Food Wishes

Pro: He lives in San Francisco, so he knows his seals. Once we catch one - or a penguin for that matter - he'll be sure to transform it into a delicious meal, say, polar cordon-bleu, complete with seafood appetizers, sides and dessert. Ice cream for everybody! He's sooo gonna love the huge outdoor fridge! Also I like his sense of humor, we'll be laughing the whole time.

Con: Maybe I'm doing wrong by him, but something tells me he's only as outdoorsy as cutting basil from his herbs garden.

Candidate No. 5: Dr Doug Ross, ER physician

Pro: It's always beneficial to have a medically trained person around, right? Plus I happen to find him attractive. Assuming the feeling is mutual, I am confident that he'll keep me warm. He once saved a boy from drowning, so he's not afraid of the elements and natural force. George Clooney has access to the fanciest coffee makers. What else?

Con: Keeping an eye on him so he won't run off with the South Pole County Hospital nurse may turn out to become too stressful for me. After all it's supposed to be a vacation, right? Also I'd probably have some explaining to do at home.

After much brain racking at night - it hit me. I have got this other buddy who lives on the North Pole, and he - actually Colin thinks it's a she - has some awesome skills, too! She can fly and do pranks. That's right, meet Cookie, our Christmas Elf!

Familiar with animals from both poles

Wordlly is an understatement

Fits into the hood of a sweater, leaving me plenty
of space for all those layers of clothes I need to bring
Off to Antarctica we go! If you need me, I'll be packing those bags…