December Secret Subject Swap - A Tree's Life

Welcome to December’s Secret Subject Swap. Again 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  
Sit back, grab a cup and check them all out:





My subject is 
Tell me the story about the life of a tree, 
from the tree's perspective


It was submitted by Spatulas on Parade- thanks, Dawn!


Only one tree? You guys know me by now, don't you? 



Ladies and Gentle-Trees,

My name is Willow, I am your host for today's United Trees Conference, UTC.


I am very happy to be able to welcome so many of you! Thank you so much for going to great lengths and traveling here - for some of you it must have been quite a logistical challenge. 

I hope the accommodation meets everyone's requirements. Don't hesitate to approach me or my lovely assistant, Ash, if you need anything at all.


Now - let me walk you through today's program:

As soon as I'm finished talking, I would like to ask everyone to introduce themselves. Your name, where you come from, how you grew up, what you do for a living, your plans for the future, and whatever you would like to add.

After this round we may be ready for a short break. Snacks and large amount of water are available throughout this forest area, just help yourselves!

Some international scientists would like to conduct individual interviews, collect samples, take measurements, estimate your wood volume and age, these kinds of things. May I ask you to follow the signs. Yellow for American trees, Orange for European, Red for Asian, etc. Thank you for your patience as they will be doing a thorough job in the name of research.


I know this can be exhausting, so feel free to take an air break and stretch your legs.

Finally, selected groups of humans are going to want to hug you. They say they benefit greatly from the energy you can give to them. Try to keep a straight face, folks, if it makes them happy, it makes us happy, right? The first group is actually here for a conference, too. They are called the Secret Subject Swappers, and I understand they are bloggers. So please, show them a good time, will you?


High time for dinner after this. The BBQ is going to take place at the wood glade, about a quarter mile from here. If anybody needs transportation, please let me know ahead of time.

Between courses there is going to be entertainment. A bird chirping concert, some hide and seek with local fox and bunnies, plenty of time for conversation, and then - as soon as it gets dark - we will show the movie "The Tree of Life" on our ultra-large screen.

Allright! Any questions? No? Then, let's go ahead. How about you go first? Yes, you, thank you!

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G'Day, mates, me name's Aussie, I'm a Gum Tree, aka Eucalyptus. My family and friends live in Atherton, Queensland. It's pretty laid back around there. Couple of koalas munching on our leaves, tourists sleeping in our tree houses, lots of poultry fluttering around, chirping and singing, too, some frogs croaking, actually it's quite the concert, especially at night, you'd be surprised!

I was thinkin' you folks would like to see what my home looks like, so I brought this video:




Aussie, the Treehouse Tree

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Hello, my deal fliends, I am Bon-Bon, I hope you can see me, I am down hele, I am a bonsai! Some people think I am this small because my genes wele damaged flom the ladioactive fallout, but that's not the case. God only lets things glow until they ale pelfect. Some don't take as long as othels, haha! 
I live in a Zen galden in Kyoto whele people come  to mediate and think about the meaning of life. It's vely intelesting. 
It' vely nice to meet you. I blought some sushi fol you, please tly some, I left them at the buffet!

Bon-Bon from Japan
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Jambo brothers, what's up? I am Bob, an African Baobab. You may also know me as monkey bread tree. 
As legend goes, my ancestors were planted upside down in the earth by either the devil or an unhappy hyena because God had given each animal a seed to plant, and the hyena was last. 
My circumference is 154ft = 47m, and my diameter measures about 52ft = 16m.

Elephants like to munch on my bark, and lions sleep in my shadow.
If you've never been to Africa you may think you have never seen my or any of my brothers. Make no mistake, I am sure you saw Lion King? See? I had a leading role!




Bob the Baobab

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Hi guys, I am Chill!
My family used to line the Chidlom-Ploenchit area in Bangkok - where the mall is. My grandfather had kind of a burnout, though, and so they moved to Koh Samui where my brothers, sisters and I were born and raised.
The air is much better here, not as many cars as in the city, although air traffic has increased in the past years. Still it's pretty paradisiacal on my beach. If you are looking for some relaxation, come visit me!

Chill, the Thai Palm Tree
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Howdy, fellow trees! I am General Sherman, I am named after General Sherman, obviously, duh! He was some dude serving in the Civil War, but that was a long time ago. Let me give you my measurements, as you are going to ask me those anyway:

Height: 275ft = 83.3m
Diameter: 25ft = 7.7m
Bole Volume: 52,500 cu ft = 1,487 m3
Age: 2,500 years, give or take, but who's counting really

Tourists have a hard time fitting me on their camera screens, so what typically happens is that I end up in the background, but that's OK. I'm smoking some weed which gets me even higher, if you know what I mean.  

 

General Sherman, Sequoia, CA with Colin, then 2 years old


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Hello, my name is Logan, I am a Western Red Cedar, living up in British Columbia. Some of us grow to be almost as tall as the previous speaker!

In summer we get to do quite some bear watching. Folks who like to fish or camp in our woods come and visit. Some also like to stumble around with their handheld GPS and look for a hidden treasure, they are called geocachers.

In the olden days, people used us to make essential oils or totem poles and canoes from our wood, today they build those gorgeous log homes. On the picture you can see some of my cousin's wood!

Logan from Canada

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Bonjour mes amis, je m'appelle Chêne, but when I visit my relatives in Amérique they call me Oakie.
I live in the Limousin Forêt, not far from the Bordeaux region, where my ancestors were being planted by Monsieur l'Empereur Napoléon. Their wood was used for shipbuilding. These days we almost exclusively go into the wine barrel business. En France we make some vins exceptionels!

Vive la France! Santé!

Oakie from France

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Shalom, international friends!

I'm Ollie, and I live on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem - have been there for over 2,000 years.

I heard all about Jesus being born, witnessed many wars and ugly times, but let me tell you: Don't believe every cliché you hear. Contrary to what many people may say, it can actually be quite peaceful around here. Let's take the big holidays: Passover, Easter, Hanukkah, Christmas - they usually happen to take place around the same time, and my city is crowded then. Greek and Russian Orthodox people, Muslim, Christians, Jewish folks, they all mind their own business and attend their service, I really don't understand what the big pissing match is all about.

Good to meet you! Are you next..?

Ollie from Israel
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Yes, it looks like I get to do the last but not least part!

Cheers, everybody, I'm Rocky, your Norwegian spruce.

My family is spread over a couple of states between New Jersey and Vermont, where the head gardener of the Rockefeller Center scouts for the most gorgeous of us. We are then moved to a telescoping trailer by a crane and taken to Manhattan. Once we get secured by wires and a steel spike, scaffolding is put up, so the workers can attach ten thousands of pretty lights. 






On the day that those many Christmas lights are being lit for the first time, there is a huge party going on. Famous singers are performing, countless TV stations are there to broadcast, and people, people, people everywhere! So it's probably safe to say that for a couple of weeks I am the most famous tree in the world!

Happy Holidays, fellow trees, let's celebrate, I brought gifts for everyone!


Rocky, the Christmas Tree
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Dear Karen, Sarah, Dawn, Karen, Stacy, Jules, Joy, Michelle, Anna-May, Jenn, Jenniy and all you other tree huggers wonderful bloggers and readers: Happy Holidays!


 


Here's the back story of that sweater: Yesterday after Colin and hubby had lunch and left, I raced to the mall for some things we are going to need for our advent window (I may blog about it next week). I knew I was going to have an hour until I needed to race back.

It all went well until I came across a new clothes store I have never heard or seen of. They had cute stuff. Just a quick look! Then I discovered the blogger sweater. I just HAD to try it on! While doing so I noticed the fabric was 90% polyester, so I was not going to buy it. But at least take a pic for the blog!

Then I moved on and actually checked off a couple of items on my list. Until I got caught up at the Barbie aisle. Now that I own a Barbie for the first time in my life (my mom thought this kind of toy was not of pedagogical value for a little girl) I want her to have some fun with our elf Cookie! Maybe a new holiday outfit was in order? Why aren’t there any ugly - I would even settle for a pretty - Christmas sweaters for Barbies? You know what I did? I purchased knitting needles and wool! And now that I mentioned it here I will actually have to try and knit a Holiday sweater for my Barbie!

I have no clue how to knit a pattern like this...
When I stood in line at the cash register, a new sales person just walked behind the counter. The lady who was working looked at her surprised and said “Don’t tell me it’s 3pm yet! Where did the time go today?” I looked at her, too, shocked! “Please tell me it’s not 3pm yet!” She shrugged and said “well, in 5 minutes it’s 3pm, is that bad?”

YES, IT IS!

Colin’s school is out at 3:05 which is not bad as such. He walks home on his own. It’s just that if he comes straight home – which he almost never does – he can be at our house as early as 3:15, and my trip from the mall takes at least 25 minutes. BAD MOMMY!!!

Is it just me, or do the traffic lights take extra time to switch to green when you are in a hurry? I was considering calling my neighbor. If she was at home, he would ring her bell anyway though. My mom? By the time she would be at our house I could be there myself. I should just calm down and expect him to be late as usual.

When I arrived at home he wasn’t in front of the door, and not in the garden. Our neighbors weren’t home. Maybe he was late and would arrive any minute. I had to pee. Did I mention I had to pee for quite some time at the mall?

I was just washing my hands when my mobile phone rang. Unknown cell number.
It was Colin. Crying.
“I rang the bell and you weren’t there!”
“I know, baby, I am soooo sorry I was late! Where are you now?"
“At Leon’s house. His Dad let me use his phone, and I knew your number from the emergency card.” Smart boy. Since Kindergarten he always carries a card containing hubby's and my number, and my parents', neighbors', doctor's... in his backpack.
“Is their house close to the monkey fountain?" (Don't ask..)

After I picked him up and thanked Leon’s Dad a million times, I said I was going to buy Colin some dessert at any café he’d like. Raspberry rolls helped me regain some goodwill....