During my ride I tried to think of the last time we saw each other. I couldn't distinctly remember, but it must have been in the late 80s. I don't even know what she did after school. 9:30am I walked into her office. She didn't look how I remembered her, but as soon as she was laughing, I was like "yep - that's you!"
We caught up on our families, and then she started asking me questions about my sleep. When did I first notice, do I wake up around the same time at night, etc.
Her treatment room is light and friendly and full of crystals, chimes and esoteric books, so I thought it was appropriate to tell her about my dream and my consultation with the dream interpreter many years ago. She picked up on my wolf topic and explained that according to the shamanic world, the wolf was my power animal, and even though I may have never seen it again in a dream, it was and still is present in my life, and she encouraged me to ask the wolf for direction in my life when I felt I needed some.
She also told me that usually trouble sleeping - provided it isn't caused by purely medical reasons - oftentimes has to do with having difficulties to let go (no kidding!, that's me!), lacking a sense of basic trust, because, let's be real, if we need to be in charge of everything, being sound asleep is probably not wise.
She proceeded to explain that everything she was talking about was not on a conscious level. I could still live my life and trust people, it was something deep down in my soul - and it could have been caused by a shock situation, separation anxiety, it may go way back into my childhood, maybe it may have to do with my relationship to my mother.
Boom. I love my mother, and we get along fine, but the combination of her words made me blurt out "I know what it is! I was five years old, and I needed to be operated on my hips, and my mom prepared me for my hospital stay, she read a book to me of a girl who had to get her appendix out, and she took me to the hospital, unpacked my clothes and toys , stayed a while and then she said good-bye and left. She left! I mean, I understood that mommies could not stay, and it must have broken her heart, too, but still, I was crying for hours, how could she do this to me, just leave me there all alone and scared?"
My friend said this situation took away part of my soul, however she could get it back. Also she felt I was ungrounded (which does not mean not down to earth) and it would be beneficial to work on my chakras. She used other words, too, which most of them didn't mean anything to me, I just told her I trusted her to do what she felt was helpful.
There was some scented oil, some applying pressure on several body parts, especially on my head which felt nice, and some breathing involved. Call it hocus-pocus, Martina assured me it works even on people who don't believe in it.
Fine with me. I felt calm, I got to lie down on a pretty rainbow blanket and had my eyes closed during the whole procedure, and I saw purple color blots, and some olive green ones, too. The two colors were blending into each other. They stand for loving soul searching and forgiving, she explained, pretty pleased by what I experienced. She told me she saw an angel at my 5yo's hospital bed, holding me tight, comforting me and assuring me that my mom loved me. "They also told me to ask you to be kind to yourself" she added.
This just about pushed me over the edge. A tear rolled down my cheek. This is what I get for refusing to take sleeping pills! I end up in an esoteric session, crying on my high school friend's shoulder.
She encouraged me to do some research on the wolf's qualities and to use them to my advantage. All right. See at the end of the post.
Also we agreed that I should just give myself some time to let this experience sink in.
I will think of it as a snow globe. I got shaken up today, and some of those flakes were stuck for a long time. If I trust my gut, the snowflakes will not only fall - but fall into place.
Plus I will sleep like a baby!
I will keep you posted.
It'd probably be a nice exercise to make my own snow globe. For now I googled one. Duncan Titmarsh created this giant Lego snow globe featuring the London Eye and Big Ben:
The wolf offers some of the most striking animal meanings in the realm of spirit animals. The power of the wolf brings forth instinct, intelligence, appetite for freedom, and awareness of the importance of social connections.
This animal can also symbolize fear of being threatened and lack of trust. When the wolf shows up in your life, pay attention to what your intuition is telling you.
Wolf's Wisdom Includes: (source: Animal Spirits)
- Facing the end of one's cycle with dignity and courage
- Death and rebirth
- Spirit teaching
- Guidance in dreams and meditations
- Instinct linked with intelligence
- Social and familial values
- Outwitting enemies
- Ability to pass unseen
- Skill in protection of self and family
- Taking advantage of change