|Photo by Tina Dawson on Unsplash|
Welcome to June's Secret Subject Swap.
Again 8 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.
Baking In A Tornado
Wandering Web Designer
The Bergham Chronicles
Bookworm in the Kitchen
Never ever give up hope
Part-Time Working Hockey Mom
My subjects is
Everyone gives Moms / Women advice on how to organize her time, clean her house better, cook healthier meals, and be present for her family. They NEVER tell the others in her life to step up and do their share.
It was submitted by: Bookworm in the Kitchen - thank you, Karen!
Wow, when I got this prompt, it was like the scales have fallen from my eyes. This is so freaking true, and I never even thought about it!
Remember the good wife's guide? Let's review it...
Remember the good wife's guide? Let's review it...
- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed. The least husbands could do is to actually show up for this well prepared home made dinner, and if they can't make it to text "sorry, running late."
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. I am work-weary, too, but I can totally take 15 to check Facebook. A ribbon? Gotta try that one night and check out his reaction ;-)
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. What exactly do you mean by being gay? Should I FaceTime with my lesbian friend and let him watch?
- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. One last trip doesn't cut it to get rid of his shit, in fact I'm not allowed to touch it.
- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables. Who do the schoolbooks belong to? The owners are kindly requested to keep track of their stuff and not to ask "Mom where is (insert item I told them to take care of)?" the minute they're supposed to leave the house.
- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Wow! I'm afraid to use our fireplace. The chimney sweeper told me wasps live in the exhaust hood (is that the correct term? The shaft where the smoke rises?) Let's put that aside and assume I have it in me to make an indoor fire like the Girl Scout I never was, that actually sounds like a nice idea. Plus who doesn't thrive for immense personal satisfaction!?
- Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces, comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. They had washers and dryers back then? How awesome! Who are these people telling us about walking to school barefoot in the snow, both ways? Fake news. I would miserably fail at the task of washing my kid's face. He doesn't believe in washing, he just likes to mess with shower gel and write messages on the steamy shower door. Sometimes he writes LOVE U MOM - in mirror writing so I can read it from outside. I win!
- Be happy to see him. If he didn't do anything to annoy me earlier, I sure am!
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Smile, check. Desire to please him? Chances are I was up all day myself. I actually get up a good our before he does. I have a part-time job, I drive our son to hockey practice, I'm wiped out, I need this to be over with so I can get into my PJs and relax myself.
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. What important things might I even have? I'm a good listener, plus I multi-task. I load the dishwasher and put leftovers in the fridge while he talks, but I *do* listen. We good?
- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Which is it now - go out or be home? I'm fine either way, as long as I get to go out as well. Problem is my Mom friends are either single or have busy husbands and kids to tend to, so we really have to do a better job at getting together.
- Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. He is not into calming room scents and rainforest sounds, so I try not to turn our house into a Feng Shui temple. Pretty sure he appreciates it. I do launder the bed sheets and pyjamas on a regular basis, though. Men like to fart into freshly laundered bedsheets. That's what he told me. He heard it from a friend!
- Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. I wouldn't dare. I'd rather fix them. Myself. So shit gets done.
- Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. So what's happened between the 50s and today is men have smart phones. They use it all the time and for everything. My husband checks today's weather on the app. Apparently this is more reliable than looking out the window. Anyway. All I ask is a message saying he's not coming home. A heads-up before I make dinner would be even more awesome, but hey, I have no idea what he goes though each day - even if I work there myself, bahahahaaaaa!
- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. He's OK lying down on his own, I believe. He doesn't drink alcohol, so he'd probably not appreciate a beer. Shall I ask him if he wants a hot chocolate?
- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. I *demand* that he take off his shoes! Who wears shoes in bed? Recommending the use of my low and soothing voice implies that I usually nag and bark? I take offence at that.
- Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. If you say so *eye roll* May I see the job description of a house master? Is that where it says "take out the trash once a year and expect a medal for it"?
- A good wife always knows her place. I got it, I got it. My place is anywhere I can serve others. I am supposed to do so with a smile. And for God's sakes minimize all noise!
How fun was that? We should make it a challenge to live by those rules during one week and blog about it. Who's in?
So times may have changed, but frankly, I feel like we still have a lot of those values (for the lack of better words let's go with that term) in us, both men and women.
Because it takes both. Men who avoid to lift a finger and expect women to provide the lovely home, and women who strive to be perfect and hate to ask for help.
I know this is true for me. Heck, my blog used to be "Confessions of a part-time working Mom" and it transferred into "Part-time working Hockey Mom". I got rid of confessing, but I juggle more balls now. Mom, wife, chef, maid, manager, driver, laundry person, did I miss anything? When my coworker is on vacation I'm "Full-time working Hockey Mom", and I whistle while I work. Mostly.
Life's what you make it. I try to count my blessings. I have a family, a home, a job - it is what I wanted, so I do what it takes.
Our boy is smart, happy and healthy (actually we all are), we have appliances that do a lot of work for us, and we have a cleaning lady every other week, so it's going pretty smoothly for everybody involved.
Would I like the husband to do (more) chores? Even without my prompting him? Sure, but I have to be honest, they need to be done the right (my) way!
Sometimes he needs to be reminded to appreciate what I do, because as long as everything just works out fine, it's obviously hard to understand what goes on
behind the curtains before his very eyes.