UBC Motherhood - Cool Mom

So I took a quiz the other day: Which TV Mom are you?

Turns out I'm Marge Simpson.

I'm not too familiar with the Simpons, so I don't know whether that's a compliment or an insult ;-)

Anyway, here's the explanatory text, and I have to admit, it is spot on!

You are a mother like Marge Simpson: caring, loving, maybe a little naive, but always with an open ear for the problems of your children. An ideal mother!

Try to give the children some space and give them the opportunity to solve problems themselves. In addition, give yourself a break now and then.

Of course "let go and take care of yourself" is a generic recommendation that probably every Mom needs to hear every now and then.

People (me included) have opinions about Tiger Moms, Helicopter, Snowplow or Free-Range Parents, but then again - who doesn't incorporate the odd quality into their own parenting style? 

When I was working in HR, we were trained in "situational leadership" where, as the name suggests, you communicate with your employees according to the situation at hand and their level of maturity in a certain task or project. I like to think I apply the same technique to my kid:

In high-risk situations such as your toddler is about to run onto the street to chase after their ball, you will just yell "stop right now!"

If you're at the check-out and your kid wants the candy that is conveniently placed right there, you may firmly say no and later explain why. Better yet: before even going shopping you will make your grocery list and agree that you'll only purchase items that are on the list. If you have a smartie on your hands like I do, they will try and sneak stuff on the list when you're not looking though ;-)

By role modelling your values you're doing such an important job. You may very well "tell" your kids to do the right thing, be kind or look out for others who are not as fortunate, but it'll be way more powerful if they just witness you doing it. 

I like to think that I'm first and foremost the supportive Mom, and this takes commitment and consistence because it's more than cheering on your youngster. 

Ever since my boy was about three years old, he was hooked on ice hockey. He watched it on TV, he asked to visit ice rinks, and he "practiced" in our living room using soft sticks. 

I like to think that I went all in to make things happening for him. I rented skates so I could teach him on the ice. I have been driving him to practice since he's five years old. I moved heaven and earth to score tickets to attend game 7 of the playoffs not only for us, but for two of his best friends as well. Our team won the Swiss Championship that night!

We don't have a say in the practice schedule, and most of the times it collides with my job, Colin's school or private events. I had to jump through hoops (Snowplow) to arrange for time off school, and teachers and principals agreed as long as Colin's performance and behavior were excellent. 

So from time to time I have to remind him that this nonchalant teenage attitude towards homework and test preparation may jeopardize this freedom. Under no circumstances will I do his projects though. (No Snowplow)

There were times I had to pick him up early from a play date or a birthday party in oder to make it to practice on time. Understandably, he didn't like this, but frankly, if we don't make it a priority to attend each practice, soon there will be exceptions every week. (Tiger! He does not have to become an NHL player, I just want him to honor his commitment and not become flaky when it's not fun each and every time.)

Coaches frown upon their players' absenteeism, and they will remember who showed up, rain or shine, when it comes to considering players for the match lineup. Unlike most of my fellow hockey parents, I have never interfered with a coach's decision. If my kid doesn't play, I won't call, I won't argue, end of story. (No Snowplow) 

Last season there was a situation during the third period of an important game: three or four players got benched, while others were playing almost without ever getting off the ice. The parents of the ones who were negatively singled out by the coach were furious. "It's a team sport, you're only as good as your weakest link, they're junior players, and it wasn't the world championship finals!" they claimed, and they ended up complaining with the team manager. Another Hockey Mom (whose son got to play, and whose husband coaches an older team) shrugged and said "that's the coach's decision. He'll have his reasons." 

His reason was they needed to win that game In order to have a chance to win the regional championship later on. I have be honest, I didn't even notice that some kids didn't play "all period long". I was filming the game. Later, upon putting my footage together, I payed extra attention. and I noticed that up to the 12th minute of the last period, everybody was playing. So we're talking about eight minutes. 

We ended up winning that game, but not the championship. Everybody survived the "humiliation", and there will be a new opportunity next season.

Since practice is a 50+ minutes' drive away, I may check if he packed everything. (Helicopter) It'd just be too bad to do the long drive only to notice he left his helmet at home. Would it be a learning experience? Maybe. I just think it's not worth it. I will, however risk that he's late for school because he was playing on his phone instead of getting ready. It'll totally be his responsibility, and he'll have to deal with the teacher on his own. (Free Range)

All in all what does that make me? 

When Colin was younger, he told me that his friends thought I was a cool Mom. 

Let's go with that :-)

If you got confsued over some of the terms I was using, here's a full parenting style overview, credit goes to this USA Today article:

Lawnmower / Snowplow parent

These parents are called lawnmower parents because they "mow down" a path for their children removing all obstacles that may cause discomfort, challenges or struggles. This parent not only helps their child but probably does a lot of the work for the child or at least checks to make sure that everything is correct. 

Tiger parent

The tiger parent is known for putting excellence in academics and carefully chosen extracurriculars above leisure time. Parents are authoritarian and have high expectations. This is tough-love parenting where children are expected to respond to challenges.

Elephant parent

As close to opposite of tiger parenting as possible. These parents value emotional security and connection. Independent sleeping may not occur during the 0-5 years. These parents seek not to raise their voices and value encouragement over academic or athletic success. 

Helicopter parent

Parents tend to hover, and this can continue through college. Parents may be over-involved and always assessing risk thus preventing children from developing that skill. 

Dolphin parent

These parents seek collaboration, flexibility and balance. This parenting is further defined by the acronym POD. P for play and exploration, O for others and D for downtime, which includes rest, exercise and sleep.

Attachment parent

Attachment parents desire close contact between baby and caregiver through baby wearing, breastfeeding and co-sleeping. These parents use natural closeness rather than the clock to determine their babies' needs. Parents also emphasize role modeling and positive discipline by using praise and rewards for good behavior and loss of privileges for poor behavior.

Free-range parent

These parents allow their kids to walk to school or a nearby playground alone. Young children may be allowed to ride public transportation or shop alone. Free-range parents believe this freedom promotes independence and self-reliance. But it's not been without controversy as others have seen it as dangerous and neglectful.

Can you recognize yourself in any of them? 

Are you like me, a mixed bag?

PS: Today's writing prompt says:

The President of the United States is either loved or hated. Where do you stand - what is your opinion? Write a post on how your industry has changed as a result.

First of all, in my opinion, any President is better than Trump. Second of all, I don't think an industry changes only because President X or Y is in charge. Yes, they will pass bills and make decisions, but after that it is up to the industry and individual businesses to make the best of it or to develop ways around the problem. Yes, (gas) prices have gone up, but I refuse to say this is Biden's (or even Putin's) fault. A decision is always a culmination of things that have been happening before, to which many parties have contributed.