I don't know if there is any other job out there that comes with more outside pressure and opinions than being a Mom. Everyone seem to be an expert, everyone seems to know better, and everyone wants to let you know what you are supposed to do.
Pregnancy: Dear, you're not supposed to carry this heavy bag. You look tired, are you anaemic? Are you eating enough? Remember you're eating for two now, don't hold back!
Giving birth: if you're not giving birth the natural way, without an epidural, you're a wimp. Back in the days women didn't have the luxury of a C-Section.
Breastfeeding: it's better for your baby. If you don't nurse, you're depriving him or her of the basis of a great immune system. Additionally by purchasing formula you'll support an evil food giant.
Pacifier: You really should find other ways to soothe your baby. Pacifiers are bad for their teeth!
Food: Is this apple sauce home made from organic apples? Sugar is bad for young children, you really should not let them eat cake. Let me send you this flourless, no dairy, sugarless (and tasteless?) recipe.
Work: Why do you do this to yourself, to return to the inhumane climate of a profit-greedy company? A Mom should be there for her children. Do you really want to delegate your motherly duties to strangers? Are you not afraid your kid will call the Nanny "Mommy"?
Childcare: The caregivers are young girls themselves. They don't have any kids of their own, so naturally they don't care as much. Haven't you heard of that case where a caregiver molested a kid? Don't forget that your kid is only one among a dozen. They will not be individually supported.
Screen Time: I can't believe you allow your kid to watch YouTube. They sneak in violence and porn into youth content, didn't you know? Tablets weaken kids' communication and social skills and promote hyperactivity.
Toys: Did you make sure these plastic thingies are free from phthalates and BPA? When my children were small, all they played with was wooden branches, leaves and pebbles, stimulating their imagination!
Vaccination: Do you not read the literature? These jabs contain mercury. How can you basically poison your baby with that stuff? Vaccinations cause autism and other bad diseases. Besides Diphtheria, Tetanus, Polio, Mumps and the like are eradicated.
School: What do you mean you haven't enrolled your kid for kindergarten yet? How do you guys make sure your kid attends the best school? Don't go there, these teachers s***! They failed my precious child.
Grades: what did your son have in that math test? How long did he study for it? It was way to hard, my husband couldn't even solve it. It's so unfair, too, because one assignment wasn't even part of the preparatory exercises.
Extracurricular activities: so what instrument does your kid play? What do you mean, none? It is so important that they play music. Any art classes? No? I mean ice hockey - sounds kind of barbaric!
Did I miss an important topic?
On and on they'll go. I have to say though, people mostly left me alone.
I was probably walking around wearing a sign that said "Mind your own business - I am not asking for your opinion" ;-)
However, I notice every day on social media. The teams can get pretty hardcore, and new moms with a with a high degree of perfectionism and / or low self-esteem quickly become anxious and conflicted. Their paediatrician said one thing, but so many experienced Moms claim otherwise. What if I'm doing the wrong thing? Do I harm my baby? Or at the very least not give them an optimal development?
My advice? Don't listen to advice ;-)
And if you do, make sure you take it from people you've been trusting with other aspects of your life before becoming a Mom. Also listen to your instincts. If you decide to do research on the internet, use common sense. Whatever you decide to do about any of these milestones, make sure it sits well with you. You're not getting any gold stars from outside people. If anything you're getting an earful. You don't need that.
Who were my sources of information and advice?
My own Mom
The lady from our community's "Mütterberatung". Mütterberatung is translated as "maternal consulting", and it consists of group of former midwives who work for the county's social department. They offer a one-time home visit within the first week or two, and after that you may sign up to meet with one of them at your local community center every month until your kid is two years old I believe. They will weigh and measure your baby, check how they move and react and they talk to you about milk, food and sleep issues. I appreciated the non-biased input by this expert. Over the course of the years they have met so many babies and mothers, that way they know exactly who's too anxious and who may need a reality check.
Wrapping up this post I can't help but wonder... Are Dads getting any pressure as well? Is anybody giving them a hard time about working full time? Are they getting well meant input on pacifiers, apple sauce or violin lessons?
I believe not.
On the contrary.
A Dad just takes his daughter to ballet class, and he's getting a medal! Bonus points if he masters to tie her hair into a bun. This actually happened about eight years ago at a Starbucks somewhere in the United States. A Dad and his daughter came to the store, dressed normally. They enjoyed a beverage and then disappeared to the bathroom, only to reemerge in a tutu, and with her hair neatly done. Fellow coffeeshop guests were applauding. His wife wrote a blog post about it, and Moms all across the country and beyond went mad.
Nobody is cheering if we tie our son's hockey skates!
Today's official Ultimate Blog Challenge assignment is to connect with each other on social media. I don't enjoy Twitter, but here are my other links, I'll be happy to follow you back:
People can be so judgy, right?! Until you walk in someone else's shoes...
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this, and thankful as childless that I haven't said any of these!!! I know better. LOL
ReplyDeleteI snickered at how many of the tips or advice I heard through the years as well. You are so right that I don't think any dads here any other this and they are applauded for doing anything that is supposed to be our job....jeesh. ~Cheryl
ReplyDeleteIt's always interesting to read another moms views about topics close to heart.I believe the law self esteem thing does come out in strange ways.Saying hi on Instagram
ReplyDeleteSorry to inform you. Some of us have been single parents and managed to provide all the key elements our children need. And, I'm pleased to report my kids have turned out fantastically- despite their parents.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. Don't listen to the advice - LOL.
ReplyDeleteAs a young mum I often felt like a failure now I know I did the best I could
ReplyDeleteI have been following your account of motherhood with rapt amazement for like everything you write about, you do it with a thoroughness that takes us from episiotomy to a list of unwanted advice that leaves nothing out. You have put the Mom into Working Hockey Mom and no mistake. Encroyable!
ReplyDeleteIf that was the parenting manual, it is probably better that we didn't have it. And for the record, one day a figure skater in her teens decided to tie one of my skates while I tied the other. She tied it tighter than I would have to play hockey.
ReplyDelete