UBC Motherhood - Prospects

"Have you always wanted to become a mother?" 

Here's a question you may hear from time to time as a female.

Now for some of my friends the immediate answer would be: "Absolutely. Always."

For me? 

The idea kind of grew on me over the years.

When I was a little girl (and I was a big sister to a brother who was three years younger than me) I liked to play house and take care of my dolls, the whole nine yards.

My Mom was a stay at home Mom and only went back to work two half days a week when I was nine years old. So naturally that's what I assumed was the plan for me as well. 

When I became a teenager I thought small kids - especially my brother and his friends - were a pain in the butt. Annoying, ridiculous, stupid, take your pick. For my sanity's sake I was definitely not going to do it to myself to have kids of my own!

Around 14 or 15 I began to babysit to make some money. I worked for a handful different families, and their kids were little angels! I don't know if I was just lucky or if I did something to make them listen to me and actually go brush their teeth when I told them to.

I don't think this made me reconsider, but this experience certainly didn't hurt. 

When I was 19 and 22 I had a pregnancy scare. Both times I felt terrible. 

"Trapped."

"That's what my Mom had warned me about. Finish your schooling, go out with your friends, travel, have fun, enjoy your freedom."

She knew what she was talking about. She had me when she was 22, and while she was a Kindergarten teacher, LOVED children and always had wanted some, she wouldn't have minded a few more childless years before finding herself tied down.

What's more the boyfriend situation was shaky the second time around I was anxiously waiting for my period. We had only just gotten together again (hence my being off the pill), he was this close to dropping out of college because he hated it, and he happily offered to be a stay at home Dad.

Wait, what?

While this would have given me the possibility to pursue my career, I was going to be expected to come straight home after work. No more happy hours with my office mates. 

I was going to have to pay for the apartment, the food, the clothes, the car, the insurance premiums, you name it, for the three of us. With my joke of a pay check!

The worries certainly outweighed the joy of having a baby.

Yet when we finally had an appointment for an ultrasound, I was kind of disappointed to see my uterus was empty. 

A couple of days later the relief set in though.

A few month later I left my boyfriend for good, and the baby topic was put on the back burner for almost ten years. 

When I got together with the guy who is my husband today, my biological clock began to tick, has been ticking, and I learned that he hated little kids and certainly didn't want any. Ever.

Now what?

I didn't quite get it. He had two Godchildren, and he was very sweet to them. He's a caring person in general. 

If he was serious, I needed to move on. Or didn't I? 

I was doing well professionally. Long days, business trips, I was getting respect and appreciation, I was able to afford nice holidays, was I ready to give up this lifestyle? Also all of my girlfriends already had kids who went to school, so I was going to be the only one pushing a stroller.

He met with his friends who had kids and talked to them. They all told him yes, getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers was no fun, but the kids give you so much joy and love, and they wouldn't change a thing.

So when he proposed, I knew he was going to support me when I was ready for a baby.

How about you? 

Have you always wanted to be a parent?