Moms missing out

Back to school brings out strong emotions in kids and parents alike.

I read posts of Moms who are super sad because their kid is now in Kindergarten and will be away from home for a considerable amount of time each day.

I also read posts of Moms who are not happy about the Swiss school system - the kids' schedules, more precisely. All the way from Kindergarten to Junior High, kids will attend school locally and come home for lunch, have Wednesday afternoons off and other inconveniences. These Moms feel betrayed. 

"After ten years as a SAHM I'd like to go back to work and get my life back. I love my kids, but I don't enjoy seeing them all the time, every day", one says bluntly. 

Finally I read posts of Moms whose kids are grown up and about to leave the home. These Moms say the years just went by, they missed out on so much, and could they please go back in time and do things differently?

And I'm over here, thinking, I can relate to each of them a little bit, and I also have some thoughts about each scenario, so here goes:

Dear Kindergarten Mom, letting go is hard, and this is just the beginning. From your post I understand that your kid has not been spending any time away from you? No daycare, no playgroup, and now (s)he is gone cold turkey? You knew this was coming though, right? You had  time to enjoy with your kid alone. I don't want to scare you, but in a few years (s)he will prefer to hang out with their friends over you. 

Kindergarten schedule is not that hard. Four mornings and one or two afternoons, an afternoon being 90 minutes.

Enjoy your new freedom! Get a haircut, have coffee with a friend, take a walk, do whatever makes you happy! Maybe even get a part-time job or volunteer!

Dear Elementary School Mom, you sound drained. You need a break, and it's up to you to do something about it. Your kids are getting more independent every year. They're capable to walk themselves to "Mittagtisch", a lunch service every community must offer. It either takes place on the school campus or in a community center.

More importantly though, what do you mean by "I want my life back"? Which life? Life before kids? I hate to sound brutal, but you can't. The moment you gave birth, you sort of gave it up. You may reclaim more freedom, step by step, but you'll always be a Mom. You knew that though, right?

I don't know what kind of job you (would like to) do, and I understand you don't want to work from home, so go for part-time! Use your organizational skills to balance your job and the kids. Maybe the husband can work from home a day or two?

I want you to watch this video "the gift of all those perfectly ordinary days", and keep the tissues ready:

This is what I do. I enjoy every chapter as it comes and try to make the best of it, carve out quality time with my son. Sometimes it also means to get up at stupid o'clock, and it means a lot of smelly laundry.

I told him about "Moms missing out" as we were treating ourselves after his new haircut, and he courageously asked whether this applied to me?

It doesn't. At least not now. Ask me again when you move out.

I will say though that I would most certainly feel differently if I had always worked full-time. 

Having two days off work provides a much appreciated balance.

Having an only child also gave me the opportunity to focus on him. Once he was out of diapers, this stage came to an end. Mothers of multiple children get to do it all over again. If the older sibling goes to Kindergarten, the younger still hangs out at home, with all the pros and cons.

So, finally...

Dear Empty Nest Mom, you are my future, so I can't give you any advice. I would like to learn from you. What is it that you would do differently if you could actually turn back time? What things did you miss out on?