Slipping through my fingers

This weekend I covered an event that was organized for around 50 families with a special needs child. The intitiative was called "the gift of a smile", and it was lovely. 

The guests were greeted personally as soon as they entered and were allowed to look around at everything that had been prepared for them in the festively decorated event hall. Passing the lovingly decorated refreshment hut, some immediately headed for the winter wonderland: props such as a life-size reindeer and a sledge invited them to take an imaginary ride through the snow.

Tables with arts and crafts, toys, books and cookie decorations made not only children's hearts beat faster!

At the back of the hall was the showpiece of the event: a six square meter (20 square feet) pool, which is usually filled with water and serves as a backdrop for photo shoots, was filled with 30,000 colorful balls for today's purpose. 

Families were allowed to have their photos taken here - a rare opportunity, as one mom explained: usually either she or her husband has to take the photo while the other parent gets the child to hold still or look at the camera.

Well, to be honest, holding still was a bit much to ask in the ball pit!

As it was going to take some time to process the pictures, choose the most fabulous one, printing it out and framing it, the guests got to sit down, meet the other families, eat snacks, do crafts and just enjoy the fact that everything was cared for them. 

It was a very touching experience, not least watching the healthy siblings: "So, is that for me, too?" one girl asked with delight. How often does she have to take a back seat when her brother needs all the attention?

I left, with a smile on my face because I experienced so much love and joy, but also with a heavy  heart. While I was going back to my regular life and my healthy son, these families go home to purree food for their kid who has a gastric tube or put a ten year old in diapers, talking to them but getting no verbal answer.

Sunday my SIL, a friend of hers who is a singing teacher, and my niece gave a concert. In their day jobs they help other people developing their musical skills, but they rarely have the opportunity to make music themselves, hence the event. They put together songs that relate to their current life situation as (single) middle aged Moms. The first part, while nice, didn't speak to me much, but oh boy, the second part!

Have you ever heard of Lori McKenna? I haven't. The song they performed is called "when you're my age", and the chorus goes 

You'll outgrow your shoes
You'll outgrow your bed
You'll outgrow this house
Just don't forget when you're all grown up
But you don't feel that way
You're still gonna be my baby
Even when you're my age

So I was sitting there in this large room full of people, hubby to my left, Colin to my right, and I was quietly crying. Trouble was we were sitting in the front row, and my sister-in-law was looking at me and was trying hard not to tear up herself. After all she had to finish the song.

When it was over - or so I thought - they announced the next piece. "Slipping through your fingers" by one of my first musical loves, ABBA. Because I was so young when I listened to ABBA, I didn't speak English yet, and frankly I had no idea about the lyrics of their songs. 

Of course last night I paid attention, and it hit me right in the heart.

What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go?
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did, but most we didn't
And why? I just don't know

I was close to getting up and leaving the room so I could cry in privacy. Colin noticed something was up. He looked into my puffy eyes and put his arm around me somewhat awkwardly, which made me want to sob even more. 

What good is it to become a Mom if after a few years you need to let them go?

I thought I had been pretty brave about it so far. Two weeks ago he was invited to a friend who turned 18, and he and the birthday boy's younger brother were the only ones who didn't drink. Friday night he attended his first overnight house party, 

When it comes to going out I try to be the exact opposite of my Dad: No stupid questions, no curfew, just "have fun, I trust you - if you don't feel comfortable, call and we'll come and get you."

At least I don't fully agree with the line 

The places I had planned for us to go?
Well, some of that we did, but most we didn't

I feel for us it's the other way. I always made sure to do the things he was interested in doing NOW as opposed to LATER or NEVER. It definitely helped to work part-time so we didn't have to rely on the weekends. 

The Elf on the Shelf season is around the corner, and I found out the Coca-Cola Truck is coming to town on December 1st, so I hope - probably for the last time - I get to take my baby to enjoy some Holiday magic!

Did I tell you he likes "Last Christmas" and "All I want for Christmas is you"??? My boy!