UBC July 2024 - Parenting

Welcome back to July's UBC. All month long I'm going to be talking about cultural differences between Switzerland and the USA.

Today's topic is Parenting.

While these aspects are of course very individual depending on your life situation and circumstances, I feel there are certain things worth mentioning that set us apart. 

Americans who live in Switzerland are concerned, if not shocked about the following aspects:

Parental supervision: In Switzerland it is quite normal to take young kids to the playground and let them do their thing. Of course parents will help the children on the swing or the slide, but once we've witnessed our child's ability, we let them try on their own. From a certain age on we will let our kids go to the school yard on their own. What we mean by school yard is the sports section of the elementary school campus, for boys typically the soccer field. It's a popular meeting point for them. They either walk or bike there.

Large supermarkets offer a kids' corner where children may sit down, color, watch cartoons or play with toys. It's unsupervised. Parents who know and trust their kids will leave them there, fill their cart with groceries (no whining at the candy aisle) and pick up the kids when done. 

Walking to / from school: As soon as kids join Kindergarten at 4 or 5 years old, they're supposed to learn to walk themselves. Yes, we will accompany them, teach them to cross the road - which is usually not a busy neighborhood street. We will also pick them up from school on foot. Gradually we will let them go on their own. Note that they're not on their own anyway. There's older siblings and friends, and parents who will still walk them after months and months. There are also parents who will park around the corner from school and block parts of the road in the process. 

Colin was one month shy from turning five when he started Kindergarten. On his first day hubby and I took him. On the second day I took him, and my Mom picked him up because I was at work. On the fourth day, so Thursday, the little one announced that he was now big enough and no longer needed to be accompanied. I was shocked - I certainly hadn't taken enough photos - and relieved at the same time. I wasn't ready to let go yet, but I was also glad that I could cook in peace at home at lunchtime and didn't have to interrupt my preparations to pick him up. We agreed that I could bring him for the last time on Friday morning and make another video. 

Remember that our villages and towns were built hundreds of years ago, long before cars and drop-off lanes were invented. There is simply no space for cars around the schools!

There are no access restrictions in Swiss school buildings and universities. Anyone can enter the building and move around freely. We also have no list in which it is recorded at what time which parent brought or picked up which child(ren) to or from school. 

Exploring: Your typical Swiss family (and schools) will go on hikes, light a fire in the forest and roast sausages - or Schoggi Banane, as you have learned. Kids will learn how to light a match or use a knife at an early age. They will take off their shoes and socks to wade through a shallow stream. Perhaps they will discover tadpoles along the way?

You may detect a recurring theme here: safety concerns, levels of community trust, cultural attitudes towards risk and legal norms. 

When my Swiss friend moved to Canada, her kids were seven and five. Within their first week at the new place, they went shopping at their local supermarket. There was a "live demonstration" on how to make bread. They kids were interested. My friend did what she would have done in Switzerland. She left the children watch the baker man and went on to get her groceries. It didn't take long and she noticed a police officer entering the store, and people were gathering at the baking section: Sure enough someone thought she abandoned her kids and promptly called the authorities. My friend got reprimanded for neglecting her children. She was shocked. She had no idea this could have gotten her in legal trouble even. 

When she told me this I was like "so I guess I should not tell anyone that the first time I left Colin home alone was when he was four years old?" 

It was for less than half an hour. I had to run to the equivalent of your Home Depot, and he was busy playing with his Legos. He suggested I went alone while he kept building. At this point in time he was pretty independent, he knew my mobile number by heart, knew how to use a landline phone, knew not to open the door and to leave kitchen appliances alone. So I texted hubby (who works five minutes from home) to let him know and left, and since everything was OK, I would do it again another time. 

Other differences within this subject are the ones Americans love in Switzerland:

No school shootings. Zero. Apparently there were isolated threats of amok, but these have been defused.

Summer break is half as long if not shorter. Less stress to find camps and other means of childcare. Where we live kids only get off four or five weeks in July / early August. It's managable. Most daycares only close for two weeks.

After quite some political and societal fighting we are entitled to 14 weeks of paid maternity leave, during which we can't be fired. (Sadly though, for many women it'll happen right afterwards, employers will explain that unfortunately there is no spot available since they had to replace the role as soon as the Mom-to-be left.) 

This benefit wasn't introduced until 2005 though. My country has a very conservative social attitude towards family roles with a strong emphasis on Moms to stay at home. Businesses were concerned about costs associated with providing paid leave and a potential impact on operations and competitiveness.

And this in a country where every man who is required to serve in the military has to do between three and four weeks of military service per year for at least ten years. In contrast, 65% of women (not even all of whom are employed) give birth to an average of 1.49 children, i.e. miss a maximum of 21 works weeks during their lifetime. Hypocritical, isn't it?

What's more, employers don't even have to pay the wage replacement out of their own pockets. It is financed by social insurance, half of which is contributed by employees. 

There are also laws in favor of pregnant ladies or breastfeeding Moms, but frankly I think their implementation is ridiculous. Article 35 of the Labor Act grants women the right to sufficient time and a suitable environment for breastfeeding or expressing milk during working hours.

In concrete terms, this means: at least three times 30 minutes or once 90 minutes per day if you work eight or more hours a day.

The appropriate space is often a storage room with a camping chair. The meeting room is also often suggested by male supervisors. Especially great if it is a glass cubicle. As a result, most women pump in the bathroom stall during the working day and rush home during their lunch break.  

I guess Moms in every country face similar challenges. I should count my blessings: my only maternity leave was paid, which is more than American Moms can say.

What surprises or schocks you most reading about Swiss parents?