UBC October 2024 - The Blanket

Do you know that feeling? You put something somewhere and can't find it later…? That’s exactly what happened to me with some glow-in-the-dark pens I ordered back in the summer for an upcoming Elf on the Shelf project.

Today, as I went searching for those pens, I found something else entirely: a crochet project I had started but never finished:

The baby blanket for Colin. 

I remember buying a whole bag of yarn with a vision in my mind—sitting on the sofa, crocheting peacefully, with a cup of tea on the side table (though I can't recall when I thought I was gonna become a tea drinker), and a candle flickering softly.

The plan was to do all this during baby Colin’s nap time. Unfortunately, he never received that memo—or perhaps it was because he couldn't read back then? Either way, "nap" was definitely not in his vocabulary. The only way to get him to sleep was to take long walks, ideally over pebbles or cobblestone paths.

And it had to be quiet. Heaven forbid I stopped on the street to chat with someone—his curious eyes would pop open immediately. Grocery shopping was another story. The lights, music, and chatter in stores were far too stimulating. I’d even pace back and forth at pedestrian crossings, deliberately never stopping.

The cozy sofa scene I had envisioned rarely happened, so my crochet project hardly progressed. Instead, I’d use one of my sweaters to cover Colin in his baby carriage.

He had a head circumference of 38 cm (15 inches)—larger than average, making his birth quite the challenge. As a result, putting anything over his head was out of the question. He didn’t like tight-fitting caps either, so I wrapped a self-knitted scarf around his head and neck instead.

Yes, I knitted!

In the photo, you can't see that I never got around to sewing the threads, but the scarf did its job.

So, why didn’t I just buy a blanket? For the life of me, I can't say. Maybe I had this idea that, as his Mom, there were certain things I should make for him myself. 

When I found my unfinished project today, for a split second, I felt like I had failed him. 

He never got his blanket.

But then I gave myself a reality check.

Colin didn’t care whether or not he had a hand-crocheted blanket. He was well-fed, with homemade veggie purees and applesauce, and he was always wrapped in something warm enough to keep him cozy. Most importantly, he had me—his Mom—who cared enough to try her hand at crocheting, even though needlework was never my forte.

Recently, I read a post from a mom who felt sad because she was so overwhelmed with the practical side of caring for her babies that she missed out on fully enjoying them. 

You hear it all the time: "Enjoy them while they're little; they grow up so fast!"

Looking back, I’m thankful I had "only" one child. I can’t even imagine how I would have coped with two or more sleepless little ones. Breaks were a rarity, and when they did happen, they were used for basic survival: taking a shower or eating—regardless of the time of day or whether it was technically a meal.

Honestly, I was just grateful someone invented the ponytail!

So I guess it's safe to say that the blanket isn't the point. It wasn’t about what I could make or do for him—it was about being there, present in all those messy, imperfect moments. I had given up my career, started working part-time, and I never looked back, because being by his side, watching him grow, and sharing those moments with him was so much more precious than anything else. 

Colin didn’t need a crocheted baby blanket; he needed me. And that’s what he got—a Mom who was there every step of the way, making sure he was warm, safe, and loved. In the end, that’s what really matters.

PS: I just had an idea… One of these days—and let’s take that term loosely, say in 15 to 20 years—I might find myself sitting on the sofa, picking up where I left off. Still not a tea drinker, still not skilled at needlework, but motivated to create something for my grandchild. How about that?