UBC October 2024 - Parenting Teenagers

Happy Weekend, Bloggers!

A lovely online friend and fellow writer, known as The Orange Rhino, recently reflected on how challenging it can be to parent teenagers.

We all know the exhaustion well: from managing emotional roller coasters and navigating digital dramas (because let’s face it, screen time limits are not popular among the younger crowd!) to balancing the tug-of-war between their desire for freedom and our guidance. Add in the endless planning and juggling of their school, extracurricular activities, and our own work and responsibilities, and it’s no wonder we feel pretty spent. Sound familiar?

The Orange Rhino ended her post by sharing a bright spot — a moment with her four sons (ages 13, 15, 16, and 18; just reading those ages makes me tired!) — and encouraged us to do the same.

Here’s what I wrote:

"He stood up from the couch to greet my friend."

Why is getting up to say hello so special?

Backstory: Back in elementary and junior high school, Colin was friends with a set of triplets. No matter what grade he was in, at least one of the three was always in his class. Growing up so closely together, the three boys were inseparable and didn’t need to worry about finding “outside” friends. I suppose this made them more comfortable as followers in their friend group, and they didn’t often take the lead.

Over the years, these boys were in and out of our house, often without a word of greeting. They’d come and go without saying hello or goodbye, typically leaving a pile of sneakers by the door as their only calling card. Sometimes I’d notice they were gone only when I found empty soda or energy drink cans left behind.

And this wasn’t a matter of me being in another room. I’d often be in the kitchen, right near the front door. When I’d catch them coming in, I’d always make a point to say hello or goodbye, hoping to instill some basic courtesy. We even talked to Colin about it, explaining that our house wasn’t a public space to come and go without acknowledgment.

Aside from that, they were nice kids. They’d respond if asked something, though usually with a nod or a one-word answer.

Fast-forward to the present.

Even as the boys moved on and each found their own path, we parents kept in touch here and there. Recently, I was out with their mother in Zurich, and I stopped by our house briefly on the way to drop her at the shop where she’d had her winter tires fitted.

Colin had come home from school and was waiting for me so we could go shopping for his birthday party. (I know you're all eagerly waiting for the highlights - so am I, but he's still asleep!) 

He was on the couch, scrolling on his phone. When he heard I had company, he put his phone down, got up, came over to greet my friend, and even asked her how she was.

Witnessing this made me so happy. That’s how it’s done!

Seeing Colin rise to greet my friend with genuine warmth reminded me of the many small steps that add up in parenting. It’s easy to get lost in the challenges of raising teens, but moments like these sho us the positive impact we’re making, even when we feel exhausted or wonder if they’re listening.

As parents, we may not always get an immediate response to the values we try to instill, but every now and then, our efforts shine through in these little ways. So this weekend, let’s celebrate these little wins together, knowing they’re big steps in the journey!

What about you? 

Care to share one positive or heartwarming experience you've had with your teen recently or a longer while ago?