"Working Moms in Switzerland", a Facebook group I am part of, asked
"What qualities and skills would you like to pass on to your children?"
I was at work and didn't take the time to deeply reflect this vluable question. I wrote
- Kindness
- Authenticity
- Work ethics
- Humor
Another person had a much more elaborate list, specifically including "living efforflessly", which blew my mind. Wouldn't this have been awesome? I feel like I grew up the exact opposite, which has its advantages as well: I have learned to wait in line, often had to accept a “no”, had to to have better grades or behavior than the others, etc.
How does one learn to live effortlessly, even if it hasn't been passed on to you?
Is it even attainable? I feel it must be the result of a whole lot of smart decisions, hard work and planning that other people don't see. They just see your success.
I mean, think about it. When you had small children, and you made plans to go to the park, the zoo or whatever venue with two of your Mom friends and their kids. Alone the fact that three moms and their children even made it to meet at this date! None of the kids got sick, none of the kids took an extra long nap, none of the Moms had a work emergency, the stars must have really aligned that day!
But there's only so much the stars can do. Sooner or later something's gonna happen. A kid may fall, a kid may get bitten by an insect, a kid's ice cream may drop to the ground, a kid may hit a sandbox shovel over another kid's head - in other words trouble and tears are ahead.
Now the fact that I even call a minor and predictable incident "trouble" says something about myself, doesn't it. Trouble for whom? Is this a case of it's only trouble if you consider it trouble? In other words, you're part of the problem?
I guess I am.
I have been a spoiled Mom because my boy was tough. He fell, he cried for a little while, I kissed the bruise, and life was good again. I can't remember whether he ever lost his ice cream, but if he did it probably only happened once because he learned to take care of his snacks as they would not get replaced. And I would give a warning about the shovel hitting, and if it happened again, confiscate the shovel.
My Mom friends are similar, and I was glad.
However I witnessed many others who would get flustered by their children's tears, and they would quickly go ahead and buy their way out of trouble. A toy, a new ice cream, a ride on whatever was around. Others got stressed and resorted to shouting and uttering threats "if you hit your friend again we're immediately going home / never coming back to the park".
So I guess if you're willing to put in the hard work early, you may live relatively effortlessly later? Even if it doesn't feel too effortlessly?
Do you have answers?
Interesting question and even more interesting the answer “living effortlessly “. My first answer was “allow people to help you”. I guess that too is a part of living effortlessly. I also like your initial answer but like your subsequent answer with details.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the ones you listed. I would add self confidence (vs fake confidence) to "Dare to be different" and mental toughness.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to know the best way to raise your kids
ReplyDeleteI am further along: my children are all adults now. I had an interesting conversation with my son, who is 23. He is pretty angry at his dad and his older sister. However, he is not angry at me because although I may not have always been the perfect mother for him - I did apologize and I continue to apologize for my shortcomings. One thing I always wanted (and still want) my grown children to know is they are loved, deeply and truly. I have never been 100% sure of that. I'm grateful my son can speak to me honestly of his experience, even the not-so-great.
ReplyDeleteEffortless is probably the dream. The pictures we post on social media look effortless. But IRL, we are all just doing the best we can. Besides, used to tell my kids I would try hard not to screw them ip, but if I did, I’d pay for therapy. XO - Elisa
ReplyDeleteTamara, I loved how you highlighted the value of resilience and authenticity. Your reflections on living effortlessly really resonated with me—it’s easy to forget that what appears simple often comes from hard work and thoughtful choices.
ReplyDeleteThe way you connect this to raising children who can manage life's setbacks is truly inspiring. It's a great reminder that we don’t have to shield them from every challenge but can guide them through it with grace.
Thank you for this insightful and encouraging piece!
Oo, huge subject! My top two traits to pass on would be resiliency and knowing they are loved. I would not even mention living effortlessly. If the person who first mentioned that means living in joyful expectancy of God's faithfulness and goodness, living in the slipstream of Grace, I can go with that. And meanwhile they need to be resilient and resourceful, doing their Earthly part while God does God's part. I hope this makes sense.
ReplyDelete