UBC October 2024 - Why did you spill the Coffee?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Welcome back to October's UBC.

Imagine the following...

You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee?

"Because someone bumped into me!!!"

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea ;-)

Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves... “What's in my cup?"

When life gets tough, what spills over? Joy, gratitude, peace and humility?

Anger, bitterness, victim mentality and quitting-tendencies?

Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.

Source: Wayne Dyer

I've read this story before, but I wasn't familiar with the name Wayne Dyer. Do you know him?

Never mind. The question about the contents of my cup, i.e. which qualities overflow when I'm under a lot of pressure, is a legitimate one. 

I would describe myself as a long-term pressure cooker. It takes a very, very long time for me to explode. But when I do, you'd better take cover!

I recently ran into an old work colleague by chance. I hardly recognized him - he was a middle-aged man, whereas I myself am still young and dynamic - or that's how I see myself ;-) Anyway. One of the last times we saw each other, he had made me very angry. What had happened?

At the time, I was in my notice period at this job as a recruitment agent. It was the week before Easter. The other colleagues were constantly out and about handing out chocolate bunnies to our customers. I had already handed over my clients to my successor and was condemned to sit in the office and do telephone work and administration. We had fixed working hours when the office had to be manned. Coincidentally, these coincided with the opening hours of both the bank and the post office. 

This meant that I had no chance to get money for stamps. Over the days, the letters to be sent had piled up. It was the late 1990s, and the company had not yet reached e-mail. Every day, when my colleague came by the office early in the morning and before closing time, I asked him to get the money and stamps. 

He was a helpful and good-natured guy, but a bit unreliable. 

I think it was Thursday morning that week when I asked him for the umpteenth time if he had got the stamps. “Oh, no, sorry, I forgot,” he said, smiling sheepishly. “I'll do it tonight, I promise.”

My pressure relief valve opened with a loud hiss, and I scolded him like he'd done really bad things. 

I don't remember my exact words today, but I was very angry and frustrated and had had enough of always being put off and let down. 

Picture generated by AI

My work colleague left the office like a beaten dog, and I felt bad. He didn't deserve that. I didn't know myself like that. I was always patient, understanding and flexible, but apparently the barrel was full that day and it overflowed. This is the literal translation of the proverb called “The straw that broke the camel's back”. However, I find the overflowing barrel more appropriate to today's theme of the “spilled cup”.

It wasn't long before my colleague came back in the door. He put an envelope with the bank receipt and a pile of stamps in front of me, mumbled “Sorry I'm so forgetful” and left the office again.

I didn't know it at the time, but I found myself in exactly the same situation as a mother who asks her child nicely several times to do something, brush their teeth, put their socks in the laundry basket or do their homework, and only when she gets loud and scolds them, does the child move their butt. 

When I look back on it today, 25 years later, I recognize my pattern. I mentioned it above. I am usually benevolent, accommodating and prefer to do things myself rather than rely on others (for good reason, as we see here, right?) I find it difficult to adjust my own high standards of reliability, quality and speed of service to people who are more relaxed. 

I also don't like breathing down their necks and constantly reminding them what they have to do. They're an adult, aren't they? But how do I get them to meet deadlines? And how to I get them to care if they miss them? 

Do *I* need to chill more? 

It's an open question - let me know your suggestions? 

Coming back to the actual situation, I think what I would do today is make the coworker man the phones as he arrives in the morning and go to the bank and post office myself. I may take my sweet time and grab a coffee on my way ;-) How's that for not only getting older but also wiser?