When you decide you want to have kids, it may be for many reasons:
A deeply rooted biological desire, wanting to create a family legacy, the belief that having a child will bring partners closer, an attempt to escape from the corporate world, a desire to experience parenthood as a unique, life-changing journey, wanting to contribute to the world by raising thoughtful, kind individuals, or simply because everybody else is doing it, and let's not forget pressure from family and/or society.
For most people it's probably a combination of these and other factors.
Fact is, at some point you will find yourself looking in the mirror and go "what was I thinking? Motherhood is not what I thought it would be. I can't do this." Maybe you're not looking in the mirror because you're sitting on the floor, crying.
The sleep deprivation, the Groundhog Day experience of feeding, changing diapers, doing laundry and not feeding yourself, people telling you "enjoy them while they're little, it all goes by so fast" - it's getting to you. Big Time.
This is clearly not what you've signed up for. You wanted the cookie baking, going to the playground and doing crafts! You wanted happy, smiling kids, not the tantrums, the nap refusals and the constant testing of boundaries!
And then there were the rare days where you got to have fun and spend real quality time with your kid(s).
I consider myself lucky that I actually had lots of them. I came across a colourful reminder of it just the other day.
Looking back I really get to say I made good use of my time: As a part-time working Mom I got to spend a good amount of time with my kiddo. When it was snowing we got to build that snowman.
When the weather was nice, we got to go to the park or the lake.
We got to invite his little friends over for a playdate - or a frog lunch party. No, we didn't eat frog legs ;-) it was their seasonal theme at daycare.
Plus we got to attend hockey school - and the journey that followed.
This last picture just inspired me to write my next post, keep your eyes open!
What is your take on being a Mom: Imagination vs Reality? Did the positive days outweigh the negative ones for you too?
I absolutely loved this post! Your reflections on the gap between the imagination and reality of motherhood are so honest and refreshing. The way you embrace both the chaos and the joy is truly inspiring. As a mom of four, with my youngest being twins, I can relate so much! My older two are close in age, and people used to ask if they were twins. Sometimes I think that raising the two oldest was like practice for the real twins, lol
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, motherhood was my dream and never became my reality. There was no husband for me. I kept hoping that there was someone out there for me, but I was sadly wrong. Being involuntarily childless is very difficult and is compared to a death in the family. I wanted to have babies so desperately. So now, I lavish my maternal nature on my cat. She's a bit spoiled, but she's a 15 year old rescue so she deserves all the love and attention she can get.
ReplyDeleteTamara, you put it all so well. I did not birth babies. I did a lot of parenting for younger siblings. And I often wondered what possessed my parents to have 4 kids. Actually, they planned 2 (I'm #2) and got the other two by accident. :-) I think the sleep deprivation and all the unsolicited advice were the hardest for my mom and other moms. Now tell us about the plate with fish-cut veggies and blue ?rice.?
ReplyDeleteI love to see "little" Colin and from all your pictures it seems like he was a happy little guy. I never had the thought of "what was I thinking" because we both wanted a family. Yes us mom's have issues at times with our little ones but then again they probably have issues with us too! I'm not sure it it's because when we had our girls, they were always with us since our first sewing workroom was in our home. Even after we got our storefront they were there and I can't remember any major conflicts with either while they were growing up. Now for one of my grandson's, that's a different story. We got a call from the principle when he was in Kindergarten, seems like he said an "inappropriate" word in the lunch room. Pop was always the one to go settle things and all ended well. LOL
ReplyDelete