UBC January 2025 - Hockey Mom, Behind the Scenes

Good morning, happy Monday and welcome back to January 2025's UBC. 

I have been talking about sightseeing at away games and the differences or similarities between soccer and hockey parenting. 

Today let's take a look behind the scenes of a hockey mom's routine using the example of an away game. 

Food is of high importance. I mean, they're teenagers, so even without being athletes, they're always hungry, right? 

For about two years Colin has been a flexitarian, so whenever possible, he tries to avoid eating meat. That's why he likes his eat egg / pickles and cheese / pear sandwiches and pasta salad on game days. 

Fortunately, playing times get later and later with age. I remember when Colin was playing U11, so he was nine or ten years old, he usually had to be there at 7 or 8 in the morning, and depending on the game, it was a 60-90 minute drive from us. 

In other words, I no longer have to get up at the crack of dawn to prepare snacks. That's a win.

Today, since he plays U17 and U20, these games take place so late, usually from 5, 6, 7pm or even later, that the “problem” is pushed back: Sometimes we don't get home until shortly before midnight, which can be though on Sunday night. 

The clothes are usually ready way in advance.They have an off ice game dress code (even though few and fewer players even bother to wear it), and except if Colin plays Saturday and Sunday, this is not something to worry about. Otherwise it's overnight laundry duty.

On your left: club game gear, on your right, the after-shower kit.

Phones are charged (I will film the game), food is ready, the bag is packed! We're ready to go, everything has been taken care of. 

Right?

Not so fast...

During the season, depending whether it's a home or an away game, a number of volunteers are always needed to run the game:

• Van driver
• Food stand attendant
• Penalty bench attendant
• Timekeeper
• Speaker
• “Reporter” = the person who records the line-up, goals and penalties in the app. This data is then entered into the ice hockey association's database. 
• "Bench Mom", Support person, caregiver, see below

The caregiver or support person is a parent of a hockey player, typically a mom, who performs the following tasks:

• Keeping an emergency bag with medication etc. up to date and taking it with her.
• Have spare match jerseys with her.
• Stand on the boards with the coach during the game and open and close the door for players who are being substituted.
• Always have ice packs available.
• Providing the players with snacks during intermissions, tending  to minor injuries and offering words of encouragement.
• At home games, also assist the opposing team if someone needs to go to the first-aid room, or if they require hot water for tea, etc.

A support person is someone who is typically prepared and trained by the club for their duties, particularly in dealing with injuries. When should you encourage the player to get up, and when should you absolutely leave them lying down and call an ambulance because of potential spinal injuries? How do you recognize signs of concussion, etc.?

From previous years, we actually had several people with experience in this role. The son of one of them was called up to U20 and this Mom, who's a close friend of mine, is now in charge of the U20 team. 

The next person took on a new job some time ago. Instead of working for a doctor's office with regular working hours, she is now a triage nurse in the emergency department, which means she almost always has to work at weekends. Her husband has kindly taken over the care of the players during several games. However, their son started training as a chef last summer, which means he usually has to work weekends and can't come to the games with the team. He was also recently injured, so even if he had time off, he wouldn't be able to play. Nevertheless, his father took the time to look after the team last weekend. 

Then there is a mother who is an experienced caregiver. In addition to the son who plays hockey, she has a daughter who is an artistic gymnast and also has to be driven to tournaments. So she is not always available.

That's why other parents have occasionally helped out, including my husband and I. However, we are not medically trained, and I always have a bit of queasy feeling. I always google doctors' offices or hospitals near the venue of the away games and try to remember what I learned from Dr Ross, Dr. Green and the other staff at Chicago County ;-) You do know who I am referring to, right? 

However, there were times when no one volunteered and the head coach and his assistant were left to their own devices. Personally, I find this unacceptable and it is the result of our team manager's organizational style. 

She's not a hockey mom, she lives an hour away from the arena, and I honestly don't know what qualifies her to be in this position. She sends e-mails relatively shortly before the game, listing what she needs just like it was a shopping list: a support person, a van driver, etc. And she expects people to jump up and be like "I'm glad you're asking, I'm available and I'd love to do it!"

Typically, no one responds, along the lines of “let someone else do it”. 

For comparison, in all other age groups there was a spreadsheet on which the jobs were distributed at the beginning of the season, i.e. you could see from the list that you had to set up and look after the food stand on date x. If a date doesn't suit you, you have to find a replacement person on your own responsibility. 

For cakes and sandwiches (which we have to prepare and bring ourselves at our own expense), everyone who does not have another, fixed job, such as team supervisor, reporter, etc., will be called upon.

But not everyone can be a bus driver. Only people born in 1985 or earlier and who have obtained their driver's license in Switzerland have this permit. Everyone else would have to take special driving lessons, and I'm not sure if the costs would be covered by the club. Not that anyone has made an effort to do so so far. 

What's more, these team buses are naturally large and not so easy to drive. Wanting to help I was on a test drive once and I didn't feel comfortable at all. They are manually operated vehicles. The trunk is filled to the top with hockey bags so that you can't see out of the rear window. Meaning you have to rely on the side mirrors. Driving a van requires accounting for its wide turning radius and off-tracking, so you have to remember to take curves much wider than with a regular car to avoid hitting obstacles.

For all these reasons, I have ruled out making myself available as a driver. Heck, you'll be responsible for the safe transportation of a dozen youngsters!

However, there are several fathers who are trained and authorized to drive large vehicles, either professionally, from their time in the military or in their role as volunteer firefighters. However, they are often prevented from driving for precisely these reasons, or they don't feel like using their free Saturday or Sunday for driving. 

And so there is drama at almost every away game because there are no drivers. If no one comes forward, all the parents have to drive their players to the venue themselves or find a ride with another hockey family owning a large car. These hockey bags take up a lot of space in the trunk! And because it turns out at such short notice that no one can or wants to drive, this creates immense stress for those families who have other commitments (some have several children, many of whom also play ice hockey, so they can only be in one place at a time).

Here's the most recent example. 

The game took place in Rheinfelden, which is only 40 - 45 minutes from where we live, I had already informed the team manager well in advance that we would be driving directly from home and not taking the 50 - 60 minute detour via the arena. 

This freed up the seat in the van for someone who has no means of transportation. A few other families are in a similar situation, so usually it only takes one team van, instead of two. 

And still...

The night from Wednesday to Thursday, at 1am she sent this e-mail:

Dear parents, 

Next Saturday's game has been brought forward from 8.00 pm to 5.15 pm. 

Thank you for taking note of this. 

We also need two van drivers. If you can drive, please contact me. Kind regards

*Crickets*

Friday, 6:30pm, another message, this time in the TeamApp she has been refusing to use even though it is the communication medium designated by the club. It's a chat where you can see people's answers. The aim is to prevent hundreds of e-mails or text messages going back and forth bilaterally. I also think it promotes accountability. If you see that people have good reasons for not making themselves available to help, you have to bite the bullet and say, OK, today it's my turn. 

Dear parents, as already mentioned in my e-mail this week, we still need a van driver for tomorrow. Please get in touch. Who is driving privately (who has not yet contacted me?), please also get in touch.

People started responding:

(Insert player's name) can drive privately if that helps.

(Insert player's name) would like to ride the van.

(Insert player's name) also likes to travel in the bus.

(Insert player's name) and I also like to ride along! 🙋🏼‍♀️

I am on duty for the hockey association today and would also like to let (insert player's name) ride along with the van.

(Insert player's name) likes to take the bus

(Insert player's name) can drive privately if it helps!

(Insert player's name) would like to go with the van or with someone else.

This was pissing me off. The question was "who can help" not "who would like to drop their kid and have someone else take care of them?"

Dear parents, As support staff on duty, I'd like to intervene. If your boys could drive privately, can't someone just drive the van? Just a thought. The boys, coaches and I would be really grateful. I hope someone else can be found. Regards 

I will drive the van, Sincerely (Insert lovely Mom's name who often volunteers even though she works full time and lives far away, bending over backwards to make this hockey journey possible for her son.)

So again, someone saved the day at the last minute. 

The game... *Sigh* Our team led 4:2 until a few minutes before the end and managed to let their opponents equalize. The same thing happened a few weeks ago against the same opponent. 

What is it? I don't know. So both times it went to a penalty shoot-out to decide the winner. Fortunately, we have a shooter who always scores, and he's always sent off last to save the day. He did it again this time and I was very happy for him, he's such a humble guy who plays very team-oriented. 

You can see him scoring at 18:12 - starting at 18:40 there's celebratory gold glitter falling from the sky. Don't miss it!

Maybe there is a lesson to learn here? One just needs to have faith? "Someone" will always show up and save the day? Driving the van and scoring the match-winning goal?

Thank you for listening to my rant, I appreciate it. Now I need to take care of the "shell sock situation"... 

What on earth are those? I am gonna tell you tomorrow.