Changing My Frequency: Broadcasting from Boundaries FM

Changing My Frequency: Broadcasting from Boundaries FM

It’s funny how some people, myself included, seem to wear a sign on their foreheads that says, “Just ask me, I love to help and won’t say no.” 

We often “radiate” this message without even realizing it, making it easy for others to take advantage of our willingness to help. But I’m ready for a change.

I’m tuning into a new frequency - Boundaries FM. The new signal? “Better think twice before bothering me.” My requests for respect and time need to be heard, and it’s time I set clearer boundaries to protect my energy.

So, if you need something, try someone else. I’m actively broadcasting my message loud and clear.

Requests? Try elsewhere.

It’s not about becoming unkind, it’s about becoming selective. Protective. Intentional.

Take, for instance, my role in the editorial team of the magazine I write for. Last summer, the person in charge of ads and layout quit without notice, “threw in the towel,” as we say in Swiss German. It caused some upheaval, and during the meeting, I did everything I could to make myself invisible. I knew I was the most obvious replacement (tech-savvy, organized, familiar with similar processes), and I did not want the job.

To my great relief, no one said anything. At least not in the meeting. I left feeling doubly relieved: The source of negative energy was gone, and I wasn’t being asked to clean up the mess.

But guess what happened the next day?

The co-president, whom I genuinely like, called me at the office. She praised my skills, complimented my reliability, and asked if I could just help out for a bit. All the right words, delivered warmly. Flattering, yes, but also loaded.

I tried to ask practical questions: What would it entail? How much time? What exactly was needed and expected? She didn’t have clear answers. Somehow (still not quite sure how), I ended up saying yes “until further notice” just to keep the next issue from falling through.

But I’d made one thing clear: This was temporary.

A few weeks ago, I followed up and set a boundary. I’ll continue until late summer, but after that, it’s hockey season again, and my schedule will be full. She took it gracefully. Still, the guilt lingers.

And that’s the hardest part of changing frequencies: 

In addition to saying no, it's living with the internal noise afterward.

So here’s what I’m working on next:

Turning off the guilt.

Reminding myself that setting limits isn’t selfish, it’s sustainable.
That I’m allowed to contribute without carrying the whole load.
And that “helping out” should never become a default identity I feel pressured to perform.

Because Boundaries FM doesn’t just protect my time.
It protects my peace.

We all have seasons when we step up, pitch in, and go the extra mile. But that doesn’t mean we have to stay stuck in roles we never truly chose. Changing the frequency is hard, especially when guilt tries to tune us back in. But maybe it’s time more of us tuned into Boundaries FM.

Have you ever said yes when you wanted to say no?
What helped you change the channel?