Ultimate Blogging Challenge January 2026 - Parenting or Enabling?

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

Why we must stop shielding our kids from the consequences of real life

In Switzerland, after the 6th grade, children are placed into different "performance levels" based on their academic abilities. This is a system that can already be controversial, as it essentially tracks kids early on into paths that will define their future opportunities. At the same time, many parents today are paying for additional programs, like preparation courses or private tutors, to help their children perform well on tests like the Multicheck. This test is used to assess a child’s readiness for vocational training, and its results can heavily influence a child's career trajectory. But is all this intervention actually helping? Or are we, as parents, enabling our children rather than truly preparing them? And: is it fair that the children of parents who can afford the tutoring advance over those who don't have the financial means?

There seems to be a growing trend where parents, in their desire to provide the best for their children, are stepping in too soon to "fix" things rather than letting kids face the natural consequences of their actions (or inactions). They are no longer just guiding; they are enabling. But are we really helping them by making their lives easier in the short term?

• Homework struggles? Parents step in, doing the work or reminding them constantly.

• Chronic lateness? Parents adjust their schedules to accommodate.

• Breaking rules? Parents "understand" the stress and overlook missteps.

In doing so, parents often shield their children from the real-world consequences of their actions. This might feel like support in the moment, but when it comes to more significant challenges, like the Multicheck or a major exam, the lack of discipline, self-motivation, and resilience becomes apparent.

The Result: Kids grow up without a clear understanding of how to take responsibility for themselves, their actions, or their future. They’re used to being bailed out or receiving help at the last minute. However, when they face real challenges that can’t be fixed in an afternoon or with a quick intervention, they falter. And that’s where the problem lies.

The real Issue: The problem isn’t the system itself. It’s that we’re not teaching our kids the skills they need to thrive in it. We need to be parents, not enablers. It’s about striking a balance between offering support and enforcing responsibility.

Parenting isn't about removing obstacles from our child’s path; it’s about equipping them with the tools to overcome those obstacles themselves. This includes teaching them:

• How to manage time and take initiative.

• How to face challenges with perseverance.

• How to take responsibility for their actions and their outcomes.

• And most importantly, how to fail forward, learn from mistakes, and grow stronger.

As I was saying, in Switzerland, after the 6th grade, children are placed into different academic streams based on their performance. This often leads to a pressure-filled environment, where children who don’t "fit" into the higher tracks may feel inadequate, while those in the higher tracks are expected to excel. But these early academic choices don’t define who they can become - the work ethic, responsibility, and emotional maturity they develop now will.

If parents don’t lay the groundwork early by instilling discipline and self-reliance, they’ll be setting their children up for struggles down the road, whether it’s passing an important test or succeeding in life after school. Sadly, some parents, perhaps out of convenience or a lack of awareness, also shift their responsibilities onto teachers, expecting them to take on the role of shaping their children’s work ethic, discipline, and independence. This creates a vicious cycle where children miss out on crucial lessons in accountability, leaving teachers to pick up the slack. But teachers are educators, not substitute parents, and while they play a critical role, the foundation for success begins at home.

In recent years, we’ve seen a troubling rise in parents who go to extreme lengths to shield their children from the natural consequences of their actions. This isn’t just about advocating for your child when they’ve been wronged, this is about parents throwing tantrums when things don’t go their way. I’ve read about parents hiring attorneys to accompany them to meetings with teachers to “negotiate” access to Gymnasium (the Swiss equivalent of high school) for a child who simply didn’t put in the effort. They demand special treatment, bypassing merit, and it sends the message that everything can be bargained for, even if it means undermining the very principles of hard work and responsibility. This entitlement mentality is a dangerous road for both kids and parents alike.

However, this doesn't mean that we, as parents, won’t support our children when they face challenges. Of course, we’ll be there for them. Not just in their successes but also when things don’t go as planned. If our child works hard, puts in the effort, and falls short by just a few points on an exam, we don’t give up. We’ll encourage them to take the exam again the following year, because we believe in their ability to grow, learn, and try again. Support isn’t about always smoothing the way; it’s about being there when they need it most, as long as they’re playing their part. When we strike this balance of effort, guidance, and responsibility, they won’t just pass a test, they’ll be ready for whatever life throws their way.

Is this a "generational thing"? Are today's parents going soft? What are your thoughts?