UBC Motherhood - Reclaiming my Freedom

When it comes to pregnancy and giving birth, many women worry about their figure. Will they lose all the weight they've accumulated? Will their tummy go back to being as flat as before?

I didn't worry about these things. 

I didn't have a flat tummy to begin with ;-)

My concerns went more along the line of "(when) will I be myself again?"

What I meant by that was to be a somewhat independent person doing things for herself as opposed to dedicating every living hour to that baby of hers, to household chores or to people at work.

There's a reason for these memes gloryfying going to the bathroom alone.

I remember talking to my husband about it when Colin was a baby. He couldn't fully understand my situation. 

"What are you complaining about, the same is true for me! From the time I walk into the office until I leave at night, I don't have a single minute to myself", he said.

The difference was:

• He could sleep through the night until the alarm went off, get up, get a shower, get dressed in clothes that I freshly laundered, and go to work looking only after himself.
• He could come home for lunch, and there was a meal ready, made by me.
• When he was talking on the phone to a customer, nobody was interrupting him or pulling him away 
• He could stay at work as long as he liked or needed to. No running to daycare to pick up our kid, no grabbing groceries to make sure there was something for dinner.
• He could sign up for work events out of town without making sure a babysitter was lined up.
• He could go see his dentist, hairdresser, ophthalmologist, you name it, at his convenience, alone.
• He could ask his assistant to restock toilet paper or whatever it was they ran out of at the office.
• He could come home for dinner, and there was a meal ready, made by me.
• He could go out for dinner with a friend at his convenience, without securing a babysitter.
• He could enjoy his evening watching TV without my nagging about honey-do list items.
• He could go to sleep when he was tired and get a good night's rest.

In other words, his everyday life went on exactly the same. 

Also his situation at work didn't change. He didn't have a conversation in which he had to assure that his commitment and presence would remain at the same high level, and nobody was worried that he was going to leave at short notice because his kid was sick. If he was up for a promotion, this candidacy would not have been put on hold as a precautionary measure. No-one removed him from a demanding project because he might not be up for it.

These things didn't happen to me personally either, but working in Human Resources for many years, I have witnessed many male managers trying to pull discriminatory sh** like this. 

No friends and family members were asking whether my husband would reduce his workload in order to carry out his fatherly duties, and nobody was giving him a hard time because he went back to work full-time.  

Just to clarify, I'm not whining. I wanted to be a Mom, and I - sort of - knew what that entailed. I did not resent my husband, but sometimes I was a little jealous. 

I just wanted some time to myself, and I wasn't getting it. 

I was grateful that my parents were looking after Colin one day a week when I went back to work, and my Mom was there to take care of him when I had a doctor's or hair appointment. Beyond that I didn't ask for more. I felt my baby was my responsibility, and dropping him off just so I could get a coffee by myself felt like cheating. Again, I wanted to be a Mom, so I had to put on my big girl pants and push through.

After all, they're only little for so long.

I was daydreaming about going to Mom Rehab. A place where I could get some uninterrupted sleep, yummy food prepared by other people, time to read a book or meet a friend. 

One Saturday hubby took pity in me and sent me to the mall - or to do whatever it was that might make me happy. He was going to take care of baby Colin, who was about five months old at the time. 

I hesitantly left. I tried to enjoy myself, but I couldn't. I resisted the urge to text and ask how things were going at home, and I almost had to force myself to check out the clothing stores. After all I was back at my pre-baby size.

I watched all these people at the mall. Especially the ones with young children. Did it come easy to them? Did they struggle? They didn't look more stressed than the childless shoppers. 

However, that probably says more about the common population than about parenthood. 

Saturday at the mall is stressful as it is. In Switzerland businesses are closed on Sundays, so whatever it is that you need to get done, you have to take care of it on Saturday.

After a while I decided I had had enough me-time and drove home. On my way I stopped to get gas. Can you believe I drove off with the nozzle still attached? Not my brightest moment. 

Mom Brain is a real thing, and I consider myself lucky that the gas station incident was the worst thing I caused. Yes, it was costly, but it could be repaired and paid for. 

At least I never forgot my baby in the hot car. Other parents aren't that lucky. From afar it's easy to judge and say "shouldn't people know better by now?" 

Today I'm trying to determine when things in the aspect of reclaiming my freedom got better.

Kindergarten allowed for some time to breathe for me. 

On the other hand school came with new challenges, I'll talk about them in tomorrow's post.

Today's official UBC assignment is to talk about a time we took a trip and the necessities we like to bring. 

Well, how much time do we have? 

Toddler or not, mostly due to the fact that I was working for the airline and had wonderful benefits, when Colin was two years old, we took him to California for the first time. 

Yes, we needed a lot of supplies (mostly his bottles and formula, plus clothes and stuffed animals, anything else like diapers we purchased while there), and it took some organization, but it went well. We drove from San Francisco to Los Angeles. On the way we checked out numerous playgrounds and parks and scheduled our driving time around his naps. 

These days we make sure we bring enough chargers and adapters allowing us to plug in our Swiss bought devices. 

Before you leave, I'd like to invite you to watch Katrina Kenison's video called "The Gift of an Ordinary Day". Fortunately I came across it almost ten years ago, and I tried to remember her advice over the years. Disclaimer: grab tissues!

Today it's the year 2022, and while I still have to juggle work, home, school and practice schedules, I can confidently say that I got a lot of my freedom back. How else would I be able to participate in the Ultimate Blog Challenge?

Was your personal freedom as important to you? What other aspects did you feel you had to "reclaim"?