UBC January 2024 - Self Care

Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder on Pexels

The beginning of a new year is a time for many things: Making resolutions, de-cluttering, losing weight, setting all kinds of goals and making plans, like how to juggle a ton of priorities...

What about yourself though? Your own well-being?

Guess what my three words were?

1. Harmony
2. Duty
3. Manifestation

Duty? Really? 

I mean it's not unsuitable for me, but it's certainly not inspiring. Today I came across this post by an anonymous member of a Mom Facebook Group:

I am in my mid-30s, have 2 boys 3/5 and am married. 

Unfortunately my husband has been mentally ill for a year so we are not having the easiest time right now. 

I have been on my way to finding myself for about 2 years.

I'm a very positive person, but otherwise I'm completely lacking the energy for myself 😤

I would like to change a lot of things because I have the feeling that it would do me good, little things like reading a good book, going for a walk alone in the woods, just drinking a coffee and enjoying the fresh air, being creative, starting a good day with rituals in the morning and and and.... But I just can't do it 😝

Does anyone know what I mean? 

I keep suppressing it, and yet it would be important to me.

Photo Credit: SHVETS production on Pexels

Wow, she described very well what a lot os us are feeling. It's so easy to get caught up with everyday responsibilities, and you end up being depleted yourself.

I rolled up my sleeves since I had a lot to say to her, and by doing so, to myself just as well:

Try to look at it this way: 

You are a car 🚘 in which you transport your family. The husband needs support with his mental health, the kids are growing up and need guidance and attention, the household needs to be done, and maybe you also have a job outside the home where you have to fulfill requirements.

There are cars with powerful engines, and you are probably one of them 👊🏻 

But even the best cars have to go to the gas station ⛽️ and for servicing regularly, otherwise they will get stranded in the emergency lane or suffer costly material damage.

So make kind of a 'maintenance plan' for yourself. 

Write appointments in your agenda and keep them: 

Fill up with gas, i.e. drink a coffee. In peace, from your favorite cup ☕, or even better in a café with a friend.

Check your tire pressure = go for a walk. Where does your path lead? By a beautiful fountain? Is there a bench along the way? Take a photo 📸

Reading your vehicle's manual is overdue 📚 Of course it should be an entertaining or educative  book you've been meaning to read for a long time! A chapter every day or week, as it fits into your everyday life.

And have a car meeting every now and then, meet up with loved ones, exchange ideas - most people are in similar situations.

Just never forget that you need to be super well looked after and regularly refueled in order to be there for your family. You can and must always do something good for yourself!

🎉

So how does this translate to myself?

I am a conscientious person, who, as a headhunter once put it, "makes the impossible possible" - for everybody else, that is. 

What about me?

These past months, how many times did I go to the office on my day off because sh** had to be done?

The evaluation of my 24-hour blood pressure measurement showed that it has a direct impact on my state of health when I am under (time) pressure or upset about something or someone. More than having coffee or Prosecco!

So I need to learn to manage these situations better. 

Many years ago, when I was with Starbucks, I coached one of the store managers who complained about too much pressure, and especially unjustified criticism by his supervisor.

I took him to a shoe store. 

Photo Credit: Anton Uniqueton on Pexels

He was confused. Was his HR manager now completely out of her mind? He needed career advice, not new shoes!

He was right, we weren't there for shoe shopping. I wanted to get something else for him. 

I asked the sales person for the most powerful impregnation spray. 

Yes, clearly, Tamara has definitely gone crazy.

"The perfect waterproofing, UV and stain protection product makes your gear feel like new —waterproof and breathable again, with no negative changes to the material" the shop assistant explained.

Perfect, we'll take it!

Back on the street, we headed to the closest department store, in search of adhesive paper and a permanent marker.

I wrote something on the label I created, stuck it onto the spray bottle and handed it to the guy.

He looked at me, concerned.

Here, your very own stress repellant spray! Carry it around in your apron's pocket or keep it in your locker. Whenever you feel overwhelmed or upset, imagine applying this magical spray to yourself. Demands, negative comments, everything will bounce right off you!

If nothing else, it made him smile. Later he told me it actually kind of helped reminding him to keep cool and not taking things too personally.

Just before hitting "publish" I came across Paul's post with today's writing prompt:

"Share an important lesson you have learned and how it has shaped your journey."

Goes along with my post nicely, don't you think? 

The lesson actually came from Linda yesterday. She said "whatever works for you", and if you need a magical spray to keep overwhelming factors away, so be it!

What lessons do you have to share?