UBC July 2024 - Social Interactions

Photo by Elijah O'Donnell on Pexels

Welcome back to July's UBC. This month I'm going to be talking about cultural differences between Switzerland and the USA.

Today let's talk about Social Interactions. Lots to look into!

Swiss and American Perceptions

When you ask around about how Swiss people perceive Americans and vice versa, you'll often hear clichés like these:

"Americans are nice and friendly—but superficial. They're obsessed with money and can't tell the difference between Switzerland and Sweden."

"The Swiss are punctual, narrow-minded, humorless, and reserved. They follow the rules to a T. It's hard to win them over as friends, but they do have great chocolate and cheese."

While these stereotypes can be amusing, they highlight some real differences in social behavior, such as small talk, personal distance, eye contact, and general social interactions.

Small Talk

For Swiss people, small talk isn't their favorite activity. We generally don't see the point in chatting with strangers or acquaintances without a specific reason. Conversations with cashiers, bus drivers, or postmen are rare. If unavoidable, we stick to topics like the weather, work, or local events.

One thing that often puzzles us is when Americans say, "Hello, how are you?" out of habit. To us, it's a genuine question, and we might start sharing our health concerns or life updates, only to find that the American has already moved on. This leaves us wondering, "If they don't really care about the answer, why ask in the first place?"

Friendly small talk is just not our thing. And personal questions? Forget about it. We prefer to keep our age, marital status, job details, and income to ourselves.

Compliments

Receiving compliments can make us feel awkward. When someone says something nice about our clothes or eyes, we might wonder if there's a hidden meaning or if they're flirting. It's not that we don't appreciate kindness, but we're just not used to it in the same way Americans are.

Personal Space

In Switzerland, we value our personal space. Physical contact like hugging or touching is usually reserved for close friends and family. Direct eye contact is appreciated as a sign of attention and respect, but if it lasts too long, it can feel uncomfortable or aggressive.

Americans, on the other hand, often maintain eye contact longer to show engagement. They're more likely to high five, hug, or give a friendly pat on the back, which are seen as signs of friendliness and closeness.

General Social Behavior

Swiss social interactions tend to be more reserved and formal, especially with strangers. Punctuality and politeness are important. If we agree to meet at 5:30 PM, we expect you to be on time or at least text if you're running a few minutes late. Showing up an hour late without a good reason? That's a dealbreaker.

Americans are generally friendlier and more open to striking up conversations with strangers. Flexibility and informal friendliness characterize many of their social interactions. I love this about being in the US. When I lived there alone, sometimes the pizza delivery guy was my only conversation of the day.

Politeness and Etiquette

In Switzerland, politeness often involves formal address like "Sie" and "Herr/Frau" (Mr./Mrs.), especially in formal settings. Handshakes are customary when greeting someone, particularly in business or formal situations.

In the US, speech is often more informal, even in casual settings among peers.

Communication

Americans are encouraged to express their opinions and feelings, and assertiveness is often rewarded. They tend to speak louder and more energetically, especially in groups. A loud tone can signal enthusiasm and engagement. Their communication style is dynamic and expressive, with emotions shown openly to emphasize points.

Swiss people prefer a quieter, more factual communication style. We aim to avoid drawing too much attention or disturbing others. Conversations are often calm and objective, with less emphasis on emotional expression.

Making Friends

One common complaint from foreigners, including Americans, is that it's hard to make friends with Swiss people. Some speculate it's because many Swiss have lifelong friends from school and aren't looking to expand their social circles.

Personally, I find it equally challenging to make friends with Americans. When I lived in California, I often felt lonely. I'd try to make plans, but conversations like "Let's get together for lunch sometime" would lead nowhere. It was before social media, so staying connected was tougher.

In school, most of my classmates were fellow foreign students, with only a few Americans. I stayed in touch with one American friend for years, arranging dinners whenever I visited SoCal. She was the Midday Wedding ;-)

I've tried to connect with Americans living in Switzerland, inviting them over, sending birthday messages, buying their MLM products, helping with documents, and so on. But if the effort isn't reciprocated, I assume they don't want to be friends. It can be disheartening to see them socializing with other expats while claiming it's hard to make Swiss friends.

Despite these challenges, I cherish my American (Starbucks) friends, including those I met in Seattle and others who worked in Switzerland before returning home. Even if it's long-distance, our shared memories are valuable. I'm also grateful for online and blogger buddies like you, who bring a bit of companionship into my life through our interactions.

So what do you think? Can you relate to these qualities?