Ultimate Blog Challenge - How do you like to help others?

Photo Credit: Laela on Unsplash

It's Day 4 of this Ultimate Blog Challenge, and today's question is 

How do you like to help others?

Boy, do I have a quick answer to this: I like to help others better than to help myself. Because it seems to be easier.

Maybe I misunderstood the question though. I probably should be talking about in what ways I help others. Isn't it interesting how simple questions can prompt you to think in one way or another?

I like to give advice. I like to think that I give good advice, and that's why people keep coming to me for it. It's easy for me to put myself in other people's shoes, and sometimes it's not so much the words they're telling me, but the overall vibes they are giving off that let me know what's going on with them, and what they might need in a particular situation. 

I help others by using my network. Someone has a question I can't answer - I'm pretty sure I know somebody who might and who is willing to help. 

I have suggestions on a variety of things. What birthday gifts to buy, where to travel, where to eat, what to do to get into the Christmas spirit, how to keep sane during the Holidays and if you ever need to know, where to get Holiday socks at the last minute.

Unfortunately - for me - I often help others by doing their job. You need something picked up? It's almost on my way, I'll quickly swing by. You forgot to sign up your kid for the end of season dinner? Also for some reason you can't take him there yourself? Sure, he can come with us. 

Sometimes I can help by sharing my knowledge about ways of communication or how people think differently. Stuff that is my daily bread as an HR person. 

Here's an example:

Back at Starbucks I used to love to conduct the following short role play. 

I would place two chairs and ask for volunteers: a driver and a passenger. I was playing the traffic light. It was red, and as soon as it was turning green, the passenger had to tell the driver "it's green", and then we would discuss. 

How did the driver perceive the comment? Was he grateful for the factual info? Was he pissed because he has eyes of his own and is able to see it's green just fine, thankyouverymuch? 

The four-sided model (also message square, communication square or four-ear model) by Friedemann Schulz von Thun is a model of communication psychology that divides interpersonal communication into four different aspects:

• On the factual level, the sender conveys data, facts and circumstances. The sender's tasks are clarity and comprehensibility of expression. With the "factual ear" the receiver examines the message with the criteria of truth (true/untrue), relevance (of concern/irrelevant) and sufficiency (sufficient/needs supplementing). In a well-rehearsed team, this usually runs smoothly.
• Self-disclosure: Every utterance causes an only partially conscious and intended self-disclosure and at the same time an unconscious, involuntary self-disclosure. Every message can thus be used to make interpretations about the personality of the sender and his thoughts or feelings. The receiver's "self-disclosure ear" listens for what is contained in the message about the speaker (ego messages).
• The relationship level expresses how the sender and the receiver relate to each other and how they assess each other. The sender can - through the way he phrases, his body language, tone of voice and other things - show appreciation, respect, goodwill, indifference, contempt in relation to the other person. Depending on what the receiver perceives in the "relationship ear," he feels either accepted or belittled, respected or patronized.
• Appeal level: As a rule, those who express themselves also want to achieve something. With the appeal, the sender wants to induce the receiver to do or refrain from doing something. The attempt to exert influence can be overt or covert. Overt are requests and solicitations. Covert inducements are called manipulation. On the "appeal ear," the receiver wonders, "What should I think, do, or feel now?"

Now if the driver is male, and the passenger is his wife, we all have an idea how he perceives her message it's green, right? ;-) 

On to you - how do you like to help others?