Ultimate Blog Challenge - In what Ways are you not living out your Purpose now?

Photo by Meizhi Lang on Unsplash

It's Day 9 of October's Ultimate Blog Challenge, and today we're talking about

In what Ways are you not living out your Purpose now?

(Who says I don't?)

The other day I was stating that being Colin's Mom has been my favorite job so far. Now let's take this one step further. I think as parents our purpose should be to be the best parents to our children. Only what does this even mean?

Google "how do I know if I am a good Mom", and tons of articles will pop up. Ten signs you're an amazing Mom, 21 Characteristics of a good Mom and while some are a little too easy, like "the fact you even care about whether you're a good Mom or not immediately puts you into the category of a good Mom", some clearly identify room for improvement for me.

What are they?

Patience 

It's in my blood. There's so much to do, let's get sh** done, I don't have all day. I am like that at work, in traffic, at the grocery store and at home. I will watch my toddler fumble around getting dressed for a while, but I can soon become impatient. Same goes for his friends who are visiting. I will tell them to go wash their hands, and I don't want to repeat myself three times. 

Healthy

Apart from 2017 when I made great (and successful) efforts to lose weight and live healthier, having and role-modelling a healthy lifestyle is not my strongest suit. Sure, there will be carrot sticks and broccoli - more than kids appreciate - but I could definitely do better in this area. 

Imperfect 

With my penchant for perfectionism, it's hard to score points in the "imperfection" department. Of course I am far from being perfect, I barely manage to keep our house semi-clean and organized, but I don't like for others to see it. I will prefer to meet people in a public place because it's more convenient than to slave at home for hours in order to make it look presentable. Know what I mean? 

Nurturing

Yes, I consider myself a nurturing person. However I may be over-nurturing at times. I get caught up in making everyone happy and forget that sometimes it'd actually be beneficial if I removed myself from a situation and let them figure it out themselves. More about that later.

Good Role Model

I like to think I am a good role model when it comes to being a positive minded, solution oriented person who makes reasonably balanced decisions. However, I also role model a fair amount of consumerism. The other day I noticed I didn't put the phone down while talking to Colin. I mean, I put it down after I noticed, but it made me think. I also don't role model getting up at the crack of dawn and go for a run. Shoot me!

Welcoming

I gave myself "half a point" here. I can be welcoming once everything is ready. See above. I want the house to be neat and ready for company. I need appropriate notice ahead. Also I don't like disruption. When there are too many kids running around at a playdate or birthday party, especially if they can't decide whether to play outside or inside and keep getting back in and leaving the door open, I may become unhinged. 

While I think I have been doing a solid job raising Colin so far, my next challenge is to learn to let go. 

Yes. That's what I meant when I said I may be over-nurturing. I may also be a bit of a Snowplow Mom. Since I like to be organized myself, I expect others also make an effort in this area as well. It drives me crazy to watch my teenager getting ready for school. Phone and sweater in one hand, he'll pack his notebook and school books with his other hand, things will fall to the floor...

So don't watch!

I try.

As I'm typing this (last week of September), he's away at school camp. He started high school  a couple of weeks ago, and I am happy to tell you that he seems to enjoy it and he's making new friends, especially female ones. This week long camp in the Swiss Alps is supposed to help build the new community, plus they're supposed to learn about glaciers. Sounds exciting?

Wait until you hear about the accommodation. The cabin literally sits at the edge of the glacier. You need to hike for almost two hours to even reach it. It doesn't say on the website, but there's no showers. Simply because there is no water supply in place at this remote location. There is some rain water they collect in a tank to wash your hands and for cooking. Most probably there is also no WIFI. Imagine how pleased a bunch of 15 year olds is about that fact ;-)

Their teacher provided a fantastic packing list and also a detailed schedule, so I thought it was a good time to let him get prepared on his own. It took some pushing because he never thought now was a good time to go gear shopping, and he waited until the last minute to take care of his food, but ultimately he had packed some things without me interfering.

Before he left, I just asked whether he had house slippers. "That's not on the list" he said. True. On the other hand, you can't keep your hiking boots on, and you probably don't want to walk around in your socks either. I helped him stuff his slippers inside. 

Off he went. 

Later I noticed that the bananas he had purchased, still sat on the table. Oh, well. 

So as a result, I now need to make some sort of baked goods containing bananas. 

Last night I noticed he was online (some of the kids seem to have flat rate mobile plans and are allowing their classmates to use their hotspot - team building successfully at work!) and asked how things were. 

"I wanna come home, I hate everything. We have to share a room with (Insert name of unruly boy)"

he said. 

Oh no. 

I am very honest here. My first thought was whether I should make the three plus hours' drive now (it was 6:30pm) or first thing tomorrow. 

I mean I knew he couldn't be that serious, but I'll admit my first thought was to rescue him from this uncomfortable situation. 

I would have loved if my parents did that for me. I mean I never asked them to. That's probably because I didn't have a mobile phone back then ;-) Even so, my Dad would have told me to suck it up. He may have added something like "this will be a character building experience". 

And I know in my heart that he was right. 

I did, however, become a Mom who wants to be different than my own parents. Especially different from my strict Dad. (Who am I kidding though, I think I am stricter than today's average Mom. Now does that say something about myself or the other Moms? I let you be the judge of that.)

I want to be more loving, understanding and forgiving than my Dad. I want to be involved in my kid's life, I want my kid to trust me and come to me with his concerns.

I may, however, have to work on allowing my kid to navigate these character building moments. Was it a mistake to never expose him to hiking vacations the way I had been? 

So he survived. I picked him up on Friday afternoon, and he thoroughly enjoyed a shower, food in the fridge, his own bed and his peace and quiet. 

I survived as well, and I am happy to have him back.I will have to think about this some more though.

That was a lengthy, somewhat soul-searching post. Thank you for bearing with me. 

Do you want to tell me  in what ways you are not living out your purpose? Also, in what ways do/did you want to be different than your own parents?