Ultimate Blog Challenge - Helpful Person / Gone Too Soon

Welcome to Day 6 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Today's post is about a person who has helped me in some way.

I consider R, that's what I'm going to call him, a friend whom I had the privilege to meet - albeit for a very short time only.

Hubby joined a Business Network a bit more than two years ago - shortly before the outbreak of the pandemic. They used to meet for breakfast every Thursday at 7am. The idea is to have a very diverse crowd in every chapter. That way if a member needs a lawyer, a plumber, a website guru, you name it, the person is automatically part of your network.

So my husband is the IT guy, and the person I'm talking about, was the website and marketing specialist. He updated our old-school website and began to coach me so I was going to be able to maintain the content myself.

Why would I need coaching, you ask? Haven't I been a blogger for almost ten years?

I have, but it's my personal blog that I run without any plan, goals or pressure. I don't worry about page views, SEO, what have you. Plus our business website is supposed to be tech-oriented and professional. 

Somewhen in spring 2021

Hubby and I had an online meeting with R to discuss first steps. Less than a handful of online and one short in-person meeting was going to follow. Afterwards, R always sent me a short summary of what we discussed plus a to-do list. 

I liked it. He kept it short and sweet. I liked him, too. Always positive and attentive.

May 26 

Another online meeting. He told me ha just had his second Covid vaccine and did not feel super great. Over the course of our discussion, I could tell he was not OK. He had trouble focusing, couldn't finish his sentences, and at some point he said "hey, I have to cut this short. I need to lay down, I feel kind of dizzy. I'll be in touch to reschedule."

Sure, no problem, look after yourself. 

Geez, these jabs were no joke. My first one was going to be a week from there. 

All of a sudden I thought "where is he anyway?" He had one of these fancy backgrounds that made you think he attended the online meeting from a coffee shop, so I couldn't even tell if he was working from home (with probably nobody else around) or at the agency he ran, where there were going to be team members to look after him? What if he passed out? I was glad when I got a call from his wife. She said he was stable but was going to see a doctor, just to make sure everything was OK.

July 23rd

"I hope you are well and enjoying the warm temperatures?

First of all, I thank you very much for the get-well card from you and Christian. This kind gesture did me a lot of good. Thank you.

Then I formally apologize for not being in touch during the last weeks. In fact, I had to regroup.

I am doing well. I am currently through the second chemo therapy. The side effects are not bothering me as much as they did with the first chemo."

You read correctly. Our friend had been diagnosed with lung cancer. As hubby told me, up until a few years ago, R used to be a heavy smoker, and as a result, his lung was damaged and its capacity limited. That's why he was eager to get these Covid vaccination done. 

September 1st

"Thanks for asking - yes, so far quite OK. I hope you are enjoying the time and the sun?"

Of course this was code for "I'm doing poorly but do not want to whine."

November 11

"Dear Tamara,

Are you okay?

After an incredibly long journey, the package with the beans has arrived. Thank you very much for that. 

My porous brain has a gap (seriously: since June I sometimes have problems remembering things). What was the context of the coffee beans? 

I wish you a great weekend."

Yes, this package containing a bag of Sumatra whole beans had come a long way. I sent it to the only address I had of them, but shortly after the diagnose, they had sold their house and moved into a smaller apartment, and obviously the mail forwarding order did not work for packages, so  it was returned. I had it on my desk for a while. 

The coffee beans were related to his stomach. He had told me he could not tolerate coffee anymore because of the acidity, so I recommended Arabica beans from Indonesia. Thanks to the semi-dry treatment and the dark roasting, these contain very little acid, in contrast to light Robusta coffees from Latin America, which are wet prepared and thus strongly fermented. 

November 23rd

"Great, you had just enlightened me. That's exactly how it was. Thank you again very, very much for that. 

U (=his wife) asked me to buy a real coffee machine with with a grinder (he was previously on team Nespresso capsule system for convenience) – amazing what such a small packet of coffee has achieved! 😊

I'm doing well emotionally. My pulmonary carcinoma as well as the liver metastases have regressed. However, metastases in the bones and in the brain were diagnosed. One construction site has a break, another is rising. That's just the way it is.

I wish you and Christian a peaceful Advent season. Enjoy it!"

This was the last time I heard from him. The moment I read metastases in the brain, I knew it may only be a matter of time, but frankly I did not expect for it to happen so soon.

December 16 I was at the hairdresser's when hubby called, which happens rarely. It was a Thursday, and his online business network meeting was over. It was communicated that during the night, our friend R had passed away.

Just like that, he was gone.

 "Gone Too Soon" - Michael Jackson

Like A Comet

Blazing across The Evening Sky

Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow

Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye

Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly

And Splendidly Bright

Here One Day

Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight

On A Cloudy Afternoon

Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle

Built Upon A Sandy Beach

Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower

That Is Just Beyond Your Reach

Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight

Here One Day

Gone One Night

Like A Sunset

Dying With The Rising Of The Moon

Gone Too Soon

Where do I go from here?

R had this energy and positivity about him that taught me more for life than our online marketing coaching. In what was probably going to be our last video call, he told me he and his wife were going to purchase an RV. That way they could drive to the beach and still keep his online appointments. "Who cares from where I log on, right? Gotta use your precious time well."

It's not fair. That guy didn't get to see the beach, and he didn't get to celebrate one more Christmas.

I feel like I'm already doing a lot of things well. 

I enjoy life. Sometimes it may "only" be the small things, but I do cherish them mindfully. Like today. Thanks to the fact that Colin is still on Christmas break, we I made our own Three Kings Cake.

I don't put up important things like to thank somebody or tell them I love them. 

If I have to leave tomorrow, I have no regrets about my life. 

I had a fabulous career, I married a wonderful man and was lucky to become our precious son's Mom. 

I get to share valuable time with long-time (and new) friends, both in real life and online. 

I got to travel to some of the most amazing places in the world. I ate delicious food and enjoyed high quality coffee and tasty wine. 

I got myself my dream car as soon as they finally released a European version. 

The list goes on. 

Of course I'd love to be around long enough to see my boy growing up, having a family and a career. Until then we enjoy every day because tomorrow is not promised.

I just got word about my Godfather. It was his birthday on Tuesday. I had my Covid Booster on Monday and felt crappy. Normally it's open house and people drop in, but with Omicron I didn't even consider going.

I called and wished him a happy birthday. He sounded fine, was enjoying some wine with friends, just we way we know and love him. 

Five minutes ago my Mom forwarded an e-mail from my aunt. I read "Coronary Angiography" and "stents" and "should be home by Saturday". I feel like she totally downplays it. Where did that come from? He's super active, walks and bikes for hours.

I'm sitting in a public place, and tears will be rolling down my cheeks any second. I'm logging off here.

Hug your loved ones!